Consanguinity and common bonds

7/28/06

I was working to complete the editing for my friend and client, Maggie Hunts. She has a fabulous book called It's a Sweet Life Now: A Guide to Living Well and Happy with Diabetes. My vegetarian sister quietly knocked on my door, and asked me if I’d be willing to go over to the local Mexican food store, El Rancho Market, to get some carnitas — barbecued pork — because the meat she’s put into the stew she’s cooking for me and my mom is "coming out in hard, ugly little chunks."

"What do you mean?" I asked her.

"I mean, if I ate meat, I wouldn’t eat this," she said, nonplussed.

So off I went to El Rancho Market, stepping for a few minutes out of my regular day-to-day lily-white life into another world.

The fact is, this world should not be alien to me, being half Mexicana myself — but it is. My mother’s parents were from Mexico, and Spanish was her first language. My father, though white as a ghost/sheet/snow and of Irish and Italian ethnicity, spoke Spanish fluently. You would think some of that should have filtered down to my sister and me, right? But no, not really. In spite of my dad’s continued protestations for my entire life that I should learn to speak Spanish fluently because it would make me much more marketable. Hello? Who had the ideal opportunity to create two darling little bilingual daughters but, for reasons we will never know, chose not to?

At the tender age of 39, I presently speak enough Spanish to direct someone in New York City to the green subway line . . . or to sell someone a ticket to a ballgame at Chase Field. That’s pretty much the range of my foreign language skills. When I set the car radio to one of the myriad Spanish-language stations for my mom, I understand a lot of the individual words, but it’s challenging for me to infer substantive meaning, and I certainly could not carry my side of a conversation with anything resembling fluency.

I grew up identifying myself as both white and Hispanic, because that is who I am. I rub elbows with the Mexican side of my family at the occasional reunion, or when they drop in for visit on their way to Rocky Point. I enjoy tamales and other Mexican foods perhaps more than most because I grew up eating them regularly. I even make a mean Spanish Rice dish for the occasional potluck I attend.

I honor and revere the December 12 feast day of La Virgen de Guadalupe, particularly because my mother’s oldest sister shared her name. I enjoy some Latin music and love the bright colors of the art of Central and Latin America. But in everyday reality, I live and work and play and am immersed in the white culture. Although I am more familiar than most with life inside the Hispanic world, I am only a fleeting visitor there. I do not really belong.

Standing in line as I waited to order my carnitas, I looked on at a scene that might have been a snapshot straight out of a real Mexican village.

People — families with and without children, singles, groups of men — strewn about picnic tables painted bright green with red and black swirls. Sixteen slow-moving ceiling fans, each fin with its own ancillary tail of green, yellow, and pink crepe paper strips. Mountain upon mountain of produce. Dark hair and olive skin, almost to a person, the exception being two senior-aged white couples who might have been vacationing, two white men apparently married to the Hispanic women they accompanied, and one absolutely miserable looking 60+ white woman standing in front of the store, perhaps waiting for a taxi after arriving at the wrong store. (That would be an understandable mistake, as this location of El Rancho Market was once a K-Mart.)

Surrounded by dark-skinned Latin people, my thoughts invariably turned to the red-hot issue of the day: stemming the tide of illegal immigration into the U.S., particularly into our border state. As the immigration debate rages, I daily find myself sympathizing and empathizing with the plight of the immigrants, many of whom come here because, in their eyes, it is a matter of survival. The arguments on both sides of the issue are wide, and each has valid concerns. But the problem for me is the racism that invariably creeps into these conversations. I believe that most people don’t deliberately set out to be bigoted or hateful. Quite simply, prejudice is easily defendable when you’re scared, the world around you is changing rapidly, and you feel powerless to combat the changes. However, when all is said and done, we are talking about human beings . . . people with whom I share a common bond. Consanguinity. Literally, with common blood.

So why is the experience of visiting El Rancho Market so foreign to me? And if it feels awkward and a bit uncomfortable for me — I who am more familiar than most with the Spanish language, as well as Mexican music, food, culture, and beliefs — how could I ever expect that it would be easy for those completely apart from this aspect of my heritage to understand and embrace it?

I recently heard Dr. Mark Gopin, an expert on the Middle East crisis, offer a marvelous, actionable idea, when asked what one person can do to help end the seemingly endless conflicts that spring up as a result of our differences of beliefs and opinions. To paraphrase, he said we must immerse ourselves in the viewpoints of the "other side," so much so that they are no longer other from us. So much so that we actually can begin to understand that other’s position, or at least become desensitized to their position so that it no longer riles us and rankles us and causes us to get our backs up and raise our fists in anger.

Such a simple answer, yet so powerful. And one very few of us ever reach for. We love our opinions, and we remain entrenched in them. Ask my friends and family — I am chief among the critics.

But as I stood at El Rancho Market today, observing the people who ventured out to spend their Sunday listening to the impeccably groomed mariachis in their cream-colored suits with big brass buttons or the payaso flaco (skinny clown) who undulated to loud Latin music while weaving balloons into marvelous shapes, I was reminded that I, too, must continue to immerse myself in the experience of the other.

For me, others include men, vegetarians, nonreaders, non-Americans, technophobes, non-English speakers, Republicans, parents, bird owners, boat owners, scientists, mathematicians, marathoners, trendy dressers, hip-hop lovers, graffiti artists, addicts, homeless, gays and lesbians, atheists, creationists, people with 9-5 jobs.

Truly, each of us is connected to every other person on this planet via our humanity. And the only way we can ensure the continuation of our species is by recognizing our differences and celebrating our common bonds. When you think about it, we really do have the power to break down intolerance, but we are going to have to do it one person at a time.

The Beat Goes On...

7/8/06

I received the following e-mail from a friend this morning. He's becoming increasingly frustrated with the debate and hysteria surrounding Al Gore's film, An Inconvenient Truth. In fact, he gave a great speech recently in our Toastmasters club about how we should really look more to things we can change than continue to worry about global warming. I couldn't agree more.

From T.O.:

Good article, still a little too much doom and gloom. For example, technological efficiencies have improved drastically and there is no reason to believe the trend will not continue going forward. Additionally, he isn’t accounting for the possibility of this being more of a natural phenomenon, in other words, how much do we attribute to natural internal variation v.s. human behavior...oh yeah, attribution...tricky word to remember...

Plus he isn’t mentioning that as recent as 1990 scientists believed we were headed for another ice age.

He is spot on about Kyoto from what I understand.

I continue to enjoy the fun comments about Gore from all the different sources, though…

My response:

I agree. I think it's hubris on the part of American humans to think that we really have all that much to do with the natural shifts of the COSMOS. Global weather patterns are not unique to planet Earth. Where did these people get the idea that because we happen to populate the planet, we have any power to affect it on a cosmic level? Sure, our technology and environmental pollutions no doubt are having some impact on the climate...but I'd be willing to bet they are insignificant, when measured against what would have naturally occurred if there had never been human life on this planet. Unfortunately, it's one of those situations where we'll never know...but if we could, all the alarmists might just back down a little bit.

Another thing I've never seen any mention of is the adaptability of ALL the creatures who inhabit this planet. Yes, humans are contracting more cancer and other diseases than we used to...but I still hold that that has a lot more to do with our psychology than our physiology. As our environs change, though, our bodies adapt with them. Of course, if the surface temps get to sizzling, we probably won't be able to withstand that...but if it gets slightly colder, hotter, more humid, or less so...we'll adjust. We always have before.

I have to go back to your speech — let's work with the things we can change. Let's change our attitudes to ones of gratitude, rather than victim. Let's live that motto of thinking globally and acting locally.

The last thing about this article is that he gives it up as a lost cause that people will be willing to make shifts in the right direction. It always absolutely makes me cringe when people say that things are impossible. This will never work. No one will buy into that. Marketing ALWAYS works. All it takes to get anyone to do anything is putting the right spin on it. Getting people to buy into being more selfless...about everything up to and including the environment...is no doubt a tough sell. But to say that we can't do it is to write off our innate human wisdom and drive toward perfection. None of us would be here if we didn't have that... I think it's just a matter of getting the right people to lead the way.

This is one reason Oprah pisses me off so much. What the fuck good does it do to have all the power and influence she wields when she's still dealing with stuff like recommending good beach reading? Where are her causes????

I admire Bill and Marilyn Gates and Bono more than any people on the planet. We don't have many true heroes anymore, but those three are certainly among them. And anyone who says Bill got rich by stealing from others needs to take a look at his/her own motivations before he/she starts casting stones. I'm so tired of hearing that stupid argument.

Thanks for getting me going on this topic!

L

Musings and questions about America's broken education system

5/6/06

I had the privilege recently of attending a fundraising luncheon for Gabrie's Angels, an amazing nonprofit organization in Arizona that uses pet therapy to heal child victims of domestic violence, enabling them to regain trust, love, hope...and eventually free them from the cycle of violence.

During the luncheon, the conversation turned to the question of how we got here...to a place where 25,000 children in Maricopa County, alone, are living in shelters as they await placement in foster families. How did our society get to be so broken?

I was going through some old e-mails today, and came across one on a related subject. Back in April, the Arizona Republic ran a special section on Sunday, April 16, called "The Faces of Domestic Violence." This was a marketing/informational piece announcing the upcoming "Walk to End Domestic Violence" on April 22.

After reading the entire pullout section, I realized they had never even touched on the entire theme of the walk, the ending of domestic violence. In response, I wrote the following letter to the editor:

I just finished reading your pullout section, "The Faces of Domestic Violence." It is good to see serious attention finally being paid to what is an epidemic in our country. But I am puzzled and saddened about a glaring omission in all of your coverage: there is not one single article that discusses how we let things get so out of control in the first place. This issue did not spring up overnight - it has been with us since the dawn of time. But if your statistics are correct, and one in three women is a victim, why are we merely worried about there being enough beds for those who are fleeing and overlooking the need to END the cycle of violence as quickly as possible?

We cannot continue to pour money, time, attention, and energy into bandaging the broken women and children after the fact. We must begin to understand the myriad sociological issues that begat the problem, and taking every measure necessary to address the issues, correct them, and prevent the cycle from continuing, ad infinitum.

Yes, let us continue to support the female (and male) victims of this insidious crime. But let us not ignore the source of the problem; let us expend at least an equal effort to get the violators the help they so desperately need.

My letter was not published.

After the Gabriel's Angels luncheon, I sent the following e-mail to my friend who had generated the question about how we got here, including the text of the Letter to the Editor I had submitted to the Arizona Republic:

Hi, David.

Thanks so much for attending the luncheon yesterday. Interestingly, I sent this letter to the Arizona Republic following their publishing of a special section that preceded the "Walk to End Domestic Violence." Apparently, my thoughts were somehow counter to their agenda, as they did not publish my letter. It explores the same issues you raised at the luncheon yesterday...and suggested a solution.

I guess those of us with strong — but alternate — opinions just need to keep on speaking until someone begins listening.

Have a good weekend —

L

To which, he replied...and sent me a link to an article he thought I would find interesting because he believed it was related to the subject. First, you must know that David is (and he will admit this readily) a hard-core conservative. I, obviously, am not. Now the article he sent is, in my opinion, a lot of right-wing propaganda. However, I read the whole thing, and have to admit that I did find some truth in in.

The next piece is my response to David regarding the article he asked me to read:

Hi, David.

That's a mighty interesting piece of writing. I won't disappoint you by telling you that I agree with the whole of it...don't forget my largely l-i-b-e-r-a-l perspective. I do, however, see an accurate theme run through it, in that we've become so acculturated to this whole idea of political correctness that we no longer even have a benchmark against which to measure any of our instruction. When, for instance, did English become "Language Arts"?? And this whole idea that 2 + 2 might not necessarily = 4 scares the shit out of me! I remember you ranting a while back about purple ink - teachers starting to use purple instead of red because kids are being psychologically "damaged" by all the red on their school papers. Right. Well, use enough purple ink, then it will become the "bad" color and a new purple ink psychosis will develop. Christ — there actually are correct answers, sometimes.

My biggest problem is less with the politics and morality that is or is not being taught in our schools than with the way education is done, overall, in America. Rather than teach our youth HOW to think, we worry exclusively about teaching them WHAT to think. OK — so that does fall under the purview of the material in your article. But I believe the human brain — and particularly the brain of a child — is so adaptable, that learning what to think is something we can do as we meander through life, regardless of the method by which we learn it. If we live on a farm, we learn to count eggs. If we live in New York City, we learn to count taxis. The counting skill set, though, is the same for everyone. The critical tools which virtually no students in American schools are developing today are the skills of how to think, reason, analyze, and become resourceful, enterprising adults. Creativity is neither taught nor measured — in fact, if children are too creative, they're branded "problems" and quickly hooked up with a nice prescription of Ritalin.

One guy in our Toastmasters club gave a speech a few weeks ago about the workforce in America. It wasn't a great speech, but he did say something I found interesting — and alarming. The Gen X and Gen Y employees in the workforce today are, by and large, INCAPABLE of doing the work for which they have been hired. Meaning that there's lots of room for baby boomers who want/need to keep on working...but what do we do when the last of the baby boomer generation moves out of the workforce? And why is no one alarmed enough about it to do anything about it??

No one thought Rome would fall...but it did. We're sitting on the precipice before collapse, right here in the good old USA. I'm not a pessimist or one to focus on the negative, so I fully intend to keep on working to teach and heal the world. But as an entrepreneur, I'm learning that the money, the notoriety, and the visibility comes in providing big solutions to big problems. The biggest hurdle we face with education is in getting people to acknowledge that it IS a problem — and then getting them to talk reasonably about effective solutions.

Home schooling is not the way for everyone to go...but I certainly think it is a good idea, where practical. In my opinion, Montessori is much more on the right path, in that this whole idea we live and die by in our country of educating children according to their chronological age, rather than according to their ability and emotional maturity, is a significant part of what's wrong in the "education" factories that masquerade as schools here. God forbid little Johnny be 9 but be in the reading group with 6-year-olds...because his parents would be embarrassed. What's more important — parental pride or getting your kid the skills he needs to make it in life?

Thanks for sharing. Be well —

Laura

I truly welcome your comments on this subject.

Holiday traditions that honor my MIXED heritage

12/4/05

As an Anglo-Hispanic of mixed heritage, I have enjoyed different holiday customs over the years. Growing up in the Southwest, my primary ethnic experience has been Hispanic, via Mexico (birthland to both my maternal grandmother & grandfather). However, upon researching Mexican holiday traditions, as well as those of the other cultures from which I descend (Italian from my paternal grandfather & Irish from my paternal grandmother), I discovered the following:



IRELAND — Nollaig Shona Duit! (null-ig hun-a dit)

A famous Irish tradition still practiced there — and here — is the placing of a lighted candle in the window of a house on Christmas eve. The candle has a number of purposes, but primarily it is a symbol of hospitality and welcome to Mary and Joseph as they travel looking for shelter. The candle was a way of saying there was room for Jesus' parents in these homes even if there was none in Bethlehem. Some people even set extra places at their tables as a preparation for unexpected visitors. The candle once also indicated a safe place for priests to perform Mass as at times when this was not allowed.



ITALY — Buon Natale!

One Italian tradition is the building of the ceppo, a wooden frame several feet high designed in a pyramid shape. The frame supports several tiers of shelves, often with a manger scene on the bottom, and small gifts of fruit, candy, and presents on the shelves above. Also known as the "Tree of Light," it is entirely decorated with colored paper, gilt pinecones, and miniature colored pennants. Small candles are fastened to the tapering sides and a star or small doll is hung at the apex.

In Rome and surrounding areas, bagpipers and flute players (Zampognari and Pifferai) in traditional colorful costumes of sheepskin vests, knee-high breeches, white stockings and long dark cloaks, travel from their homes in the Abruzzi mountains to entertain crowds of people at religious shrines.



MEXICO — Feliz Navidad!

Christmas for Mexicans, in traditional homes and rural areas, is a religious holiday.

One of Mexico’s most beautiful Christmas traditions is Las Posadas, a nine-day reenactment of Joseph and Mary looking for lodging in Bethlehem when, according to the gospels, they went to be counted in the Census. The actors are called los peregrinos, or pilgrims. Each family in a neighborhood schedules a night for the Posada to be held at their home, beginning on the 16th of December and finishing on the 24th. Christmas Eve is known as La Noche Buena, or the Good Night. The peregrinos ask for lodging in three different houses, but only the third one will allow them in, that house having the Posada for that evening.

(Only the colorblind could miss the interesting similarity between all the flags of my ethnic origins, don't you think??)



UNITED STATES — Merry Christmas

My favorite American tradition is watching How the Grinch Stole Christmas. I love the Who’s in Whoville.

How can you get there if you don't know where THERE is?

3/31/05

Imagine planning a vacation — packing up the family and heading to the airport, luggage in tow. You get to the airport, excited about your big trip — but you have no tickets, you have no destination. You get to the ticket counter and ask the agent to sell you four tickets to . . . anywhere. Who would do that? Not very many people, right?

But that’s exactly what most of us do as we go through life because most of us don’t have any specific goals mapped out. An astonishing number of people do not have any goals for their lives — recent research puts the figure at approximately 95 percent of all Americans.

Now, imagine you know where you’re going on vacation, and you’re planning on driving to your destination, but you don’t have a map. You could rely on your keen sense of direction, use a compass, stop and ask people along the way — and eventually you’d probably get there. But wouldn’t your trip be a whole lot more enjoyable — wouldn’t you get there much more quickly to enjoy the vacation part of your vacation — if you had a map?

First you have to set the goal — then you have to write it down before you can begin to take
steps to achieve it.

Writing your goals down is like drawing the map. Remember how only 5 percent of Americans have goals at all? Well, only 3 percent of those people have taken the time to write down their goals.

Why is it important to have both personal and professional goals?

By setting goals on a routine basis, you decide what you want to achieve, and then move step-by-step toward manifesting it. The process of setting goals and targets allows you to choose where you want to go in life. By knowing precisely what you want to achieve, you know where you must place your focus to achieve it, and you become able to disregard those things that are merely distractions.

Determine your goals.

Decide what you want to accomplish in your personal and professional life. It doesn’t matter whether it’s to lose 10 pounds or make a million dollars by the end of next year. Just decide what you want to do in your life.

Of course, if you like the status quo — or the boat-tossed-about-by-the-sea direction of your life — there’s not really any reason to set goals. If, however, you desire to move your life forward, past your present reality and into the greatness you know you were born to achieve, goal-setting is an essential tool to help you get there. One trait shared by virtually every accomplished leader is that they set goals and then prioritize them.

So what are the steps to manifesting your dreams?

Set them in Writing — Writing your goals down will give power to them. Simply by writing them down, you are 10 times more likely to accomplish them. You will manifest your goals more quickly if you reread them regularly — but even if you never look at the page where you write them again, by writing your goals down, your brain begins to internalize them and starts to figure out ways to bring them to life.

Measurable — There's a saying, "That which is recorded gets done;" however a codicil to that saying is, "That which is measurable is valued and, therefore, important." If you can see where you've come from, you can know how much progress you've made, reassess your goals, if need be, and guage how long it will take to reach your ultimate goal.

Achievable — Setting lofty goals is a good thing! But if you set unrealistically lofty goals (like becoming a pro hockey player if you've never even been on ice skates), you're going to frustrate yourself and fail before you even begin. Remember that baby steps work. Break the big goals into smaller ones, and you will get there, one step at a time.

Reward your progress — Be gentle with yourself, and be sure to celebrate all of your success, no matter how small, along the way. Rewards will keep you motivated to continue in quest of your goal.

Timeline — If your goal doesn’t have a deadline, it’s a wish, not a goal.

Your goal will have one of three possible outcomes:

You will achieve it.
You will exceed it.
You will not achieve it.

If you do not achieve your goal, that does not mean you have failed. It simply means you did not achieve your goal. The bigger the goals we set, the more likely we are not to complete them exactly as we set them out. That doesn’t mean we don’t set them. It means we revise them, and tweak them, and adjust them until we get the steps in the right order. But we keep on making them, and we keep on achieving them, even if we do this in baby steps.

Areas in which to set goals

Spirituality
Health
Career/Business
Finances
Relationships
Family
Philanthropy/Community
Leisure Time

Timeframes along which to set goals

Daily
Weekly
Monthly
Annual
5 Years
10 Years

And if you really want to play big: Set the goal for your Financial Freedom Date. The date after which you’ve earned enough income to be set for life.

One last thing about goals. It’s crucial to prioritize them. Prioritizing your goals may be the most challenging part of all. For example, if your daughter’s championship soccer game coincided with a client meeting whose investment in your company could mean millions of dollars, which would you choose to attend? If you truly do prioritize, you will know the answer to that question before it ever arises, and you won’t apologize for whichever decision you make.

If you need help getting started, you might want to visit mygoals.com.

You can get out of your rut! Start taking control of your life by making some decisions about it. Then write down your goals and watch the magic begin.

________________________________
This was my "Organize Your Speech" speech for my Toastmasters club. Airpark Toastmasters meets every Thursday at noon at the University of Phoenix campus located at Raintree & 101 in Scottsdale, Arizona. Check the TV monitor in the vestibule for the room number. Guests are always welcome!

Life Lesson: Deal with the poop BEFORE it rains

1/25/05

You know how life sometimes has lessons for you? And how, sometimes, it takes more than one go-round to learn them?

One of mine, recently, has been a lesson about taking action NOW. Rather than procrastinate, justify, or wait for someone else to take care of my problems, I am learning first to focus, and then to take action. The fact is, it was my own original actions (or inactions) that got me here, so now there's nothing to do but claim this issue as mine, and take whatever steps are necessary to progress past it.

But taking action is only the first half of resolution. Have you ever noticed that the only thing action, alone, gets you is a bunch of unfinished projects? Action is useless unless it is accompanied by follow-through . . . all the way through to completion.

In my own life, I've found myself delaying those slightly bothersome issues until they become problems, and I am forced to deal with them.

Recently, an example of this behavior served as one of those huge "ah-ah" moments for me. I'd like to share that with you now.

I have two dogs — one, Moondanz, is small, a Jack Russell terrier. Brutus, on the other hand, is a German shepherd whose name belies his size.

On the day in question, I was out in the back yard, enlisted with the task of cleaning up after Moondanze and Brutus. As you might imagine, their "piles" differ in size, just like the dogs do. You'll understand if I tell you that picking up dog poop is not one of my favorite activities. This day was no exception. Except that when I went outside, committed to finally taking care of this lovely job, I realized it had rained overnight. Not drizzled or sprinkled. Rained. A lot.

[OK — there’s no way to keep this from getting a bit crass here, so if you have a weak stomach or are one of those highly sensitive types, you should probably just stop reading now.]

Back to the rain-soaked yard. And the piles of poop that are . . . no longer piles. They’re droopy, gloppy, amorphous masses that are next to impossible to pick up with a traditional pooper scooper.

Which meant . . . I had to get out the shovel.

The thing is, as I was shoveling poop into the trash bin, leaving a wake of naked soil patches amid the now very green grass, something occurred to me. Much as I don’t really love cleaning up after the dogs, it’s not that difficult a job. A few solid little piles here and there. You scoop ‘em up, toss ‘em into the bin, and you’re done. The only reason this day’s work was so much more challenging was because of the rain.

At that point, the ubiquitous light bulb went off. "Hey, this is a lot like that thing I’ve been avoiding." If I take care of it now, while it's still just a bothersome detail, it’s like a clean, solid pile of poop. I may not want to have to deal with it, but once I take care of it, it’ll be done. So why have I been putting it off? As I thought about it, I was reminded that, almost invariably, things aren’t as difficult or time-consuming as we think they’ll be . . . unless we wait till after it rains to try to pick up the poop.

You know what? I found out that something else happens when you wait till after it rains to pick up the poop. Because of the messy state of things, you’re not picking up just the pile anymore. You’re now including a goodly portion of grass and soil with each shovelful — making the bag really, really heavy when you go to dispose of it in the big communal trash bin in the alley.

I want to rewrite that old bumper sticker we all remember:

Poop Happens – You Gonna Get It Before the Rain Does?
We all have poop in our lives. Emotional poop. Relationship poop. Financial poop. Job poop. Family poop. It’s a fact of life — poop is part of being alive.

The question is, are you gonna take care of the poop now, when it’s mildly distasteful but certainly manageable? Or are you gonna wait till it rains for the poop to get gloppy and disgusting . . . so much so that you leave scars on the land (or people) as you deal with it?

I'll issue to you the challnege I've issued to myself: Take action daily. And follow through to completion. Otherwise, there’s a good chance you’ll find yourself cleaning up after a rainstorm.
________________

My Path to Self-Discovery...

11/18/04

...I’ll send you an e-mail when I get there...

Imagine a shy little girl growing up in a pretty strict Catholic home. She’s not terribly outgoing, so she doesn’t have nearly as many friends as her very popular younger sister. In fact, one of her teacher actually sends a note home from school that says, in effect, the little girl is too quiet. Like many quiet people, she has a tough time making friends. Instead, she immerses herself in every kind of book imaginable. She also proves to be quite a good writer. In fact, in the third grade she wins an award for the best Halloween short story.

For her first job, she works as a junior clerk at House of Fabrics, where she collects the first of many fabric caches, some of which actually followed her through a half-dozen moves. High school is challenging for her — not academically, but because of the awkwardness of trying to fit in at a Catholic girls’ school. She finally finds a circle, among her boyfriend’s friends at the adjoining Catholic boys’ school.

When they break up at the start of her sophomore year in college, she is bereft, because in losing him, she’s lost her social network.

It’s funny how life seems to divide up into segments. When I broke up with Anthony — the high school boyfriend — I thought the world was going to end. It didn’t. Then there was the After Anthony Period. Next came the Tony Era — not to be confused with Anthony, mind you . . . these were two distinctly different individuals.

With Tony, I had a son whom we placed for adoption. So within the Tony Era, there was Before the Adoption, After the Adoption, and — thankfully — the After-Tony Era.

The After-Tony Era and the Phoenix Interval, so far, seem to be one in the same. The Phoenix Interval is about to celebrate its 5-year anniversary, coming up next month, in fact. I suppose the Phoenix Interval could be segmented into the Time I Had a Real Job and the day I quit that real job to Live a Life of Purpose, as opposed to having life happen to me in a way that was only pleasing to others.

Which brings me to today. Standing here. In front of you. Telling you about my life, and my path of self-discovery.

Let me fill in a few blanks. I did graduate from the University of Arizona with a degree in nonfiction writing. I worked at the Arizona Daily Star as a research librarian for nearly 7 years. I moved to New York and worked at a Wall Street investment bank for six years. I learned to be a kick-ass word processor. I found a family for the son I was not ready to raise. I finally got tired of existing alone in my relationship with his father, and moved back to Arizona.

Somewhere along the way there, I grew into quite an accomplished writer. I got to be pretty good at graphics and layout. I threw myself out there as a speaker, and seem to do OK with that, as well. I learned to sew and craft. I’m still a voracious reader.

And through it all, I never really thought of myself as a people person. For the longest time, I’d join a club or start a new job or somehow become part of a new group of people, and I was always amazed when people knew my name. I often knew theirs — but for some reason, I never expected them to know who I was. It just didn’t occur to me that I made an impression on anyone. But I did. And I do.

I’ve taken a few of those self-evaluation/personality tests over the last year or so. Because I’ve always been so strong with language, I expected that my writing skills would be the strongest. Imagine my surprise, again, when with each of several different tests, I consistently scored the highest in ability to relate to other people.

Maybe I should identify this as my Relational Phase.

As I was thinking about those personality tests, it occurred to me that all of us have skills in every of the measurable areas. The thing that differs from person to person is the degree of our qualification or achievement in each area. For example: the degree of happiness we experience, the degree of intelligence, the degree of our analytical skills, the degree of our creativity, the degree of our athletic ability, the degree of our socialization, the degree of our ability to organize, the degree of how satisfied each one of us is with his or her life.

I know I have been blessed with many talents. I’m really, really good at lots of things, like writing and sewing and most creative avenues. But there are other, more mundane things where I have lots of room for improvement — like balancing my checkbook, car maintenance, and relationships with my immediate family.

I think it’s human nature to gravitate toward the things we’re naturally good at; and likewise, we shy away from the stuff we find tedious or troublesome. But the key to living a fulfilled life that is not unnecessarily challenging is to find a degree of balance among all the aspects that make us who we are. It’s kind of like getting all the settings on your stereo just so — bass, treble, fade, volume.

I have a whole list of intentions for my life. Some days I say them several times; other days not at all. But each day there is one intention I say throughout the day, and that is my prayer — my request — to know the next right thing for myself and for my life.
I’ve come a long way since being that prim and proper little girl who never, ever, ever stepped out of line. But self-discovery is a process. If we think we’ve gotten there, where we really are is in a rut.

I want to leave you with a saying I love — you may have seen it on a bumper sticker.

Well-behaved women seldom make history.
My goal is to find a degree of balance between being that good girl and being a history-maker.

_____________________________________________________
This was my "Ice Breaker" speech for my Toastmasters club. Airpark Toastmasters meets every Thursday at noon at the Raintree & 101 University of Phoenix campus in Scottsdale, Arizona. Check the TV monitor in the vestibule for the room number. Guests are always welcome!

Kerry Supporters — Out But NOT Down

11/03/04

Here We Go Again

You probably remember that old adage — Today is the first day of the rest of your life. Well, today is the first day of the second reign of George W. Bush. OK, that doesn't technically begin until the inauguration in January, but why be technical at this point?

I, for one, did not vote for him. I, for one, find him distasteful, at best — an incompetent, war-mongering, imbecilic religious ideologue at worst. During the campaign, I wore a button that says:

Like a rock — only dumber.
Not the most eloquent or intellectual observation, I know, but it captured my feelings in 5 small words.

Question From a Friend

Today I received an e-mail from a wonderful friend, asking my opinion on the election results:

Laura -

How are you about the election? M (a mutual friend) reported much crying and wanting to move to another country!

It is amazing to me that the Republicans kicked ass basically. Guess the population is fear based and naive....

* * *
In line yesterday at the polling place my line partners were bitching up a storm about having to wait, poor planning, etc. I was mostly positive, but did get into some grumbling. But....the man in front of me turned and said, "Hey, at least we have the privilege of being able to stand here and vote." I said...."Thanks for that reframe." That at least was true.

Today I woke up feeling like shit. Standing for 3 hrs with a bunch of republicans probably sucked my energy. The collective consciousness is in the toilet right now and the democrats let the GOP become the party of values/morals. That's a joke when you look at W's lying and scheming to get us into Iraq, but the sheep need their shepherd.

T

My Response to the Question

Hey, T —

Well, to begin to answer your question...

I saw a 'W' bumper sticker on a big white truck at ASU Downtown today and was surprised by my very genuine desire to key their car. Self-control won out...until I got in my car and heard George's victory speech. He urges all of those who voted for his opponent to unite with him — he's going to work to gain our support. Yeah — if he had my support, I wouldn't have voted against him or feel such bile in my throat to hear him smirk about winning.

So how am I? Well, I kept praying all night for the next right thing to occur. I share your view that we live among a naive, fear-based population — but I always have to go back to my belief that all things are exactly as they're supposed to be. Everything is perfect in this moment. Good things did come out of this election: the HUGE mobilization of voters — and the awareness campaign that got many of them to the polls in the first place.

Today I heard the reason Kerry failed to carry the Midwest, in spite of all the lost jobs there, came down to morals and family values. T, I think you're the one who told me about the huge national shift back(wards) to strident fundamentalism. I guess in this out-of-control world, it's easier to believe in a God of Fear than it is to take personal responsibility for our decisions and their results in our lives. And it's that very thing that would seem to be the reason George won.

I talked with [another friend] yesterday and tried to explain to him that my biggest problem with Republicans is their seemingly incredibly narrow view of the world. The intolerance is mind-boggling at times — and that is the thing I fear most about 4 more years under this president. How can people not get that???

J [another friend] told me yesterday that if Bush won, she was moving back to Spain. I haven't tracked her down yet — but I know she was only partly tongue in cheek as she said that.

But rather than moving out of the country, perhaps — and this is a big PERHAPS — those of us who failed to remove Bush from office are being called upon to use this time to wage personal campaigns for change. You and I and all the other visionaries we know must unite in our desire to change hearts — but the only way we're going to change them is one person at a time.

Laura

My Feelings on Bush & Supporters

So why did Bush win?? I know — that's the $1,000,000 question.

From the 11/3/04 David Letterman Show:

Top Ten Excuses for John Kerry's Loss:

#2 Voters seem to really like a weak economy and a badly run war.
Letterman also had a guy on the street "polling" people about the election. One of the questions was: "Do you think you're smarter than George W. Bush?" One after another, the answers were, "Yes," "Of course," "Absolutely," "Hands down," and the like — with the exception of the last guy (wearing a Mets hat), who said, "Uh, no."

Tonight I heard one of the talking heads say it came down to gays, God, and guns. I think this may be true. In the face of uncertain times, a surprising number (to me) of people in our country seem to be reverting to an intolerant, conservative, narrow perspective that follows the Fear of God/God of Fear doctrine. And George W's handlers undoubtedly knew what they were doing, in pandering to that fear.

What we must remember are the immortal words of one of America's most popular (Democrat) presidents: The only thing we have to fear is fear itself. FDR had it right — but, as a nation, we largely seem to have forgotten that message.

Rather than take personal responsibility for our own fates, it's easier to turn to government and religion to explain the ills of the world — and to save us. Not that belief in God is a bad thing, in and of itself. (I still go to Mass on most Sundays!) But when we wage war on freedom, democracy, and other countries in the name of God — lying to create support — that belief system becomes enormously destructive. If the good of the entirety of the American people, as opposed to a select few, is not at the seat of all decisions regarding our country, then something is amiss.

Just so you know where I stand, my personal issues of concern are:

> The war — and our foreign (i.e., oil) policy in general
> Gun zealots
> Gay marriage amendment
> Increasing unemployment due to the continued overseas outsourcing of American jobs
> Tax credits for the richest of the rich and the increasing decimation of the middle class
> Erosion of civil rights in the name of security

I'm sure there are others, but those are the ones that come immediately to mind.

An Idea Emerges

So as I was answering my friend's e-mail question, a couple of thoughts came to me...

T, M, J, and I can't be the only ones who feel this way!

But what can we do???

Those of us who feel like our voices were not heard in this election should UNITE to figure out a realistic plan for what our next right step is. Maybe if we mobilize now, we can figure out how to make a difference in spite of the outcome of this election.

I'm talking about a form of networking, but it's different from business networking because in this case, I mean AWARENESS networking.

My Challenge to You

Do you still feel like you have the power to make a difference? Then I challenge you to help me get a group together to begin to map out a strategy, a plan for the future.

Sure, there will be some bitching and venting — but if we worked at it, we could stem that and catalyze our frustration and anger into useful action!!!

What Will This Look Like?

Obviously, since this is still theoretical, I'm not sure what it will look like yet. What I do envision are meetings where we discuss ways to create conversations in everyday life that will help change the status quo by challenging people to make a difference. I envision specific brainstorming and strategy sessions, where we toss around ideas for ways to further unify and coalesce people to make their voices heard.

I'm not sure what we'll call the group — or, organizationally speaking, what exactly it will be.

I see it having the components of:

- a think tank
- a visionary action group
- a consortium for change
- an awareness mastermind group

If it sounds amorphous at this time, that's OK — it is. We will define it as we go along. The first key to brainstorming is that there are no wrong ideas. No thought is too far-fetched.

Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it.
Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it.
— Goethe
This is our mantra!

How Does It Work?

In order for this to work, we must first understand that every one of us who chooses to particpate will be coming from a slightly different perspective. In fact, politically speaking, the only singularly uniting factor for all of us, of which I am absolutely certain, is that we all really, really, really wanted to see Bush ousted from office.

Yet, there may be liberal Republicans among us, conservative Democrats, Independents...and we each will bring to the table our own personal ideologies. That will not be a problem as long as we agree in advance that we are united in our mission:

(1) to create a new awareness of our own power to change the world;

(2) that personal responsibility trumps fear every time;

(3) that faith and truth still reign supreme;

(4) that we maintain a non-judgmental approach toward those whose minds we seek to open and/or change.

Are You With Me?

Please know, I am really serious about this. I haven't figured out the logistics yet — first I need to know how many people would be interested in forming a group like this. How many other people do you know who might be interested?

It's my very strong opinion that if we're going to do this, we must move quickly and start while we still have the energy of anger, frustration, and movement to motivate us.

If you are interested — and if you have ideas or suggestions for how this would work, please e-mail me at laura@1001reallifequestions.com.

If You're Somewhere Other Than Arizona

To those of you who happen to live in places other than the metro-Phoenix area, the challenge is the same:

Galvanize the people you know who share your beliefs. Form your own action groups to figure out how to take specific steps to make a difference in our country.

Know this: we voted our consciences. But just because George W. Bush and Company still occupy the residence at 1600 Pennsylvania Avneue does not mean we are disempowered or disenfanchised. We have a big job to do. Please join with me in doing it!

Laura

Message from John Kerry

If by some chance you missed it, here is a gracious message from the man who should have won this contest. It absolutely reinforces my vote for him!


Dear [Supporter],

Earlier today I spoke to President Bush, and offered him and Laura our congratulations on their victory. We had a good conversation, and we talked about the danger of division in our country and the need, the desperate need, for unity for finding the common ground, coming together. Today, I hope that we can begin the healing.

In America, it is vital that every vote counts, and that every vote be counted. But the outcome should be decided by voters, not a protracted legal process. I would not give up this fight if there was a chance that we would prevail. But it is now clear that even when all the provisional ballots are counted, which they will be, there won't be enough outstanding votes for our campaign to be able to win Ohio. And therefore, we cannot win this election.

It was a privilege and a gift to spend two years traveling this country, coming to know so many of you. I wish I could just wrap you in my arms and embrace each and every one of you individually all across this nation. I thank you from the bottom of my heart. Thank you.

To all of you, my volunteers and online supporters, all across this country who gave so much of themselves, thank you. Thanks to William Field, a six-year-old who collected $680, a quarter and a dollar at a time selling bracelets during the summer to help change America. Thanks to Michael Benson from Florida who I spied in a rope line holding a container of money. It turned out he raided his piggy bank and wanted to contribute. And thanks to Alana Wexler, who at 11 years old and started Kids for Kerry.

I thank all of you, who took time to travel, time off from work, and their own vacation time to work in states far and wide. You braved the hot days of summer and the cold days of the fall and the winter to knock on doors because you were determined to open the doors of opportunity to all Americans. You worked your hearts out, and I say, don't lose faith. What you did made a difference, and building on itself, we will go on to make a difference another day. I promise you, that time will come — the election will come when your work and your ballots will change the world, and it's worth fighting for.

I'm proud of what we stood for in this campaign, and of what we accomplished. When we began, no one thought it was possible to even make this a close race, but we stood for real change, change that would make a real difference in the life of our nation, the lives of our families, and we defined that choice to America. I'll never forget the wonderful people who came to our rallies, who stood in our rope lines, who put their hopes in our hands, who invested in each and every one of us. I saw in them the truth that America is not only great, but it is good.

So here — with a grateful heart, I leave this campaign with a prayer that has even greater meaning to me now that I've come to know our vast country so much better and that prayer is very simple: God bless America.

Thank you,