Dangerous Tea Party — Positive, Intuitive, Creative Musings from Brilliant Minds

Funny...the things you learn in Toastmasters

2008-08-17T10:13:00.000-07:00

You've heard it said before – many people are more afraid of public speaking than of dying. Toastmasters is a well-known antidote for the fear of public speaking. Even so, it has sort of an odd reputation...a bunch of geeky guys and gals who are hypercritical, just waiting to pounce on your every mistake. OK, the truth is, there are a LOT of clubs like that out there.

The Scottsdale club I belong to happens to be different. A LOT different.

For one thing, we laugh more than any single group of people I've ever known. No matter how bad a day I'm having before I get there, once there, it's a sure thing I'll lighten up, loosen up, laugh my ass off, and come out feeling a lot better.

The second thing is that we're inclusive. Even though many strong friendships have been forged within the club, new people are always welcome and embraced right into the fold.

But even bigger than either of those great aspects are the amazing things we teach each other. One member is a spiritual teacher who has taught us all a great deal about the effect of our beliefs on our personal growth. Another is a financial advisor who manages to make that traditionally dry topic interesting. Another member is an Australian-born business coach who recently shared her story about her process of becoming an American citizen.

One of the most profound speeches we heard recently, though, was from a mortgage broker who broke mold to talk about something very different...plastic bags. Now, I've known they're prolific and dangerous to the environment for quite some time...but I had NO idea! Whoa, Nellie!!

Here are just a few plastic bag facts...

Well over a billion single-use plastic bags are given out for free each day, worldwide.

The production of plastic bags requires petroleum and often natural gas, both non-renewable resources that increase our dependency on foreign suppliers.

The toxic chemical ingredients needed to make plastic produces pollution during the manufacturing process.

The energy needed to manufacture and transport disposable bags eats up more resources and creates global warming emissions.

Annual cost to US retailers alone for the production of these bags is estimated at $4 billion.

Thousands of sea turtles die every year from eating discarded plastic bags they mistake for jellyfish, their primary food source. Once swallowed, plastic bags choke the animals or block their intestines, leading to an agonizing death.

On land, many cows, goats and other animals suffer a similar fate to marine life when they accidentally ingest plastic bags while foraging for food.

Plastic bags take up to 1,000 years to degrade as they sit in landfills. As litter, they breakdown into tiny bits, contaminating our soil and water.

The good news is that we can make a difference!!!

For one thing, if you buy just one or two items, skip the bag!

Reduce the number of bags you use for your produce. Do those bananas and single kiwi really need their own bags? Yeah...I didn't think so.

Many stores are starting to carry reusable canvas, mesh, or plastic bags. They cost anywhere from 50 cents to $1.49. Buy a few, and start using them! By replacing the plastic bags with reusable bags, we can each reduce our consumption an average of 6 bags per week. That's an average of 24 bags a month, 288 bags a year, and 22,176 bags in a lifetime!

Of course, there's always the issue of remembering to take the reusable bags with you. Two quick ways to remember:

Put them in the front seat of your car as soon as you put your groceries away.

Write "reusable bags" at the top of your grocery list.

You can also encourage your grocer to follow the lead of Karns Quality Foods [Pennsylvania] and put a little more in each bag, where possible.

Or we can get REALLY involved and exhort our cities to follow the lead of San Francisco and LA in banning plastic bags.

Of course, as with any issue, there are always dissenters.

So...what will your next steps be? If one in five people in the U.S. gave up their plastic bags, we'd reduce our usage by more than a TRILLION bags in our lifetime. You can do it...even one less bag per week will help.

Oh – and if you're one of those folks who has a tough time speaking in front of people, check out your local Toastmasters club. Who knows...it might be good for your health and good for the environment!

Say it isn't so!

2008-08-12T15:55:00.000-07:00

I just received an e-mail from a business acquaintance titled, "Here she is!!!"

The she in question? The brand spanking-new USS New York, the battleship built from scrap metal from the destroyed World Trade Center.

I have a knot in the pit of my stomach. What the hell is wrong with us??? Is this how we show the world we're not afraid of terrorists — build another battleship with which to conquer? Our precious people and buildings were destroyed, so from their scraps we've built another tool with which to destroy others?? Is it just me, or is there something seriously flawed about this kind of thinking?

As I looked at the pictures, my first thoughts (hopes?) were that it was one of those hoax e-mails that goes around, like the ones about the 21-foot-long crocodile swimming around the flooded streets of New Orleans in the aftermath of Katrina. Turns out, though, that it's true, as per both Snopes and About.com's Urban Legends.

Here's the text from the e-mail:
USS New York

It was built with 24 tons of scrap steel from the World Trade Center.

It is the fifth in a new class of warship - designed for missions that include special operations against terrorists. It will carry a crew of 360 sailors and 700 combat-ready Marines to be delivered ashore by helicopters and assault craft.

Steel from the World Trade Center was melted down in a foundry in Amite, LA to cast the ship's bow section. When it was poured into the molds on Sept 9, 2003, "those big rough steelworkers treated it with total reverence," recalled Navy Capt. Kevin Wensing, who was there. "It was a spiritual moment for everybody there."

Junior Chavers, foundry operations manager, said that when the trade center steel first arrived, he touched it with his hand and the "hair on my neck stood up. It had a big meaning to it for all of us," he said. "They knocked us down. They can't keep us down. We're going to be back."

The ship's motto? "Never Forget"

Please keep this going so everyone can see what we are made of in this country!
What we're made of??!!

This is not a victory — it's an embarrassment.

I don't get it. How can we ever hope to claim the moral high ground if this is what we do in the aftermath of such heinous events as occurred on 9/11/2001? Yes, we're human — and as such, we are a warring people. Violence is pretty much a foregone conclusion at some time and place on the globe. Its nature need not be indiscriminate, though. And it should always be the last solution, not the first.

As Chris Meredith states in his article about the only evolutionary stable strategy when it comes to game theory, tit for tat:

Long before humans started playing games, natural selection discovered the fundamentals of game theory and shaped animal societies according to its rules. Within species, individuals adopt alternative competing strategies with frequencies that reflect the success of each strategy. Evolutionary Stable Strategies occur when alternative competing strategies are at equilibrium. ... However, co-operation within and between species has generated only one Evolutionary Stable Strategy, TIT FOR TAT.
The importance of TIT FOR TAT to the evolution of co-operative behaviour was discovered in a very unusual way, through a worldwide computer competition to find the winning strategy for the well known paradox 'The Prisoner's Dilemma'. In 1981 TIT FOR TAT won that competition, and ever since then it has grown in stature to where it now dominates our thinking about the evolution of co-operative behaviour in animal and human societies.

The United States seems intent on skipping this lesson.

I've never been a pessimist, always finding the bright side of an issue or circumstance. But I am also a realist. We cannot celebrate this repurposing of the buildings that housed our center of commerce as war tools and expect to win anything. You've likely heard the old analogy: It's like taking a hammer to the fire alarm instead of putting out the fire. Or this one: When the only tool you have is a hammer, every problem looks like a nail. Albert Einstein had it right when he said, "We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them."

Are you willing to at least consider thinking differently about this new battleship called the USS New York? And then will you tell someone?

Indecisive or deliberate...that is the question

2008-08-09T15:56:00.000-07:00

“The only people who don’t change their minds are either incompetent or dead.” — Everett Dirksin

I just read this quote on my Weirdquotes widget on my Google homepage. Of course, the first thing I thought of was the current Presidential contest.

No doubt, both candidates have had their share of changes of mind. I think the question that's not getting asked in all this talk of "flip-flopping" is WHY the candidate is altering his position. There's a distinct difference between going out, researching, seeking new information, and coming to a new position on an important issue, and simply revising one's position out of political expediency, or what can really only correctly be called pandering.

I'll make no bones here. Barack Obama is my candidate. That doesn't mean I like or agree with everything he says or does. Nor would I expect to. He's not me - so there's little to no chance that he and I will see eye to eye on every issue. Taken all the issues, though, and there's no question that he gets my vote.

His recent restatement of his position on offshore drilling is one topic, though, that has me scratching my head. Because he is a consummate politician, he deftly worded his reconsideration of offshore drilling, couching it as one in a litany of considerations that must be taken into account with regard to any comprehensive energy plan.

The thing so few people seem to be talking enough about, though, the Obama campaign included, is the fact that according to the U.S. Department of the Interior's Mineral Management Service, nearly 68 million acres of federal lands (onshore and off) are part of non-producing oil leases as of fiscal year 2007. This is in contrast to 25.7 million acres of leased lands that are currently producing oil. This means we already have 68 million domestic acres of leased land on which companies aren't extracting oil where they could be.

Obama has mentioned this - if not as precisely as some would like, and certainly not often enough. But if he understands the fundamental premise that "Drill Here; Drill Now!" is not a solution, that we cannot possibly drill our way out of this situation, I'm going to give him the benefit of the doubt.

People keep describing Obama as arrogant. My answer to that is that any human being who would believe him or herself fit to take on this job had better be damned arrogant - or they will be eaten alive. There's a difference, though, between arrogance and hubris. We've had nearly 8 years of hubris. I'm willing to put my vote and energy behind the new guy, even as he changes positions from time to time. A change of a position done with sincerity, introspection, and deliberation can only be the sign of a competent leader, and we have never been more in need of one of those than we are at this moment in time.

Talking Through Our Money Worries

2008-06-19T10:33:00.000-07:00

As an entrepreneur/small business owner, is the economy starting to concern you?

That was the subject line of a recent e-mail I sent to many members of my list. As an entrepreneur, I realize I'm in a luxury business. And while I truly live a blessed life and am quite reliably a Law of Attraction advocate, it's hard to ignore the sting of $4/gallon fuel. And even as I believe the media is squarely responsible for much of the hype and fear-mongering surrounding our current economic climate, I also know the reality is that things are changing.

To that end, I thought it might be a good idea to get people together for a conversation around their feelings about the economy. Because here's what I know: what we resist persists. This means that even if we’re making a noble effort to resist our fears or concerns, we may actually be exacerbating them. So my goal was to bring together people for a chance to discuss our fears or concerns in a safe, non-threatening environment of like-minded, prosperity-conscious people, with a goal of releasing them entirely.

I invited two friends, financial coach Todd Smith and spiritual teacher Sunil Ahuja, to join me, a self-proclaimed iconoclast, in hosting an honest, open conversation about that thing we’ve probably been hesitant to admit out loud: our fears, worries, or concerns about the current financial climate. As I envisioned, it turned out to be part roundtable discussion, part group therapy session, and part prosperity groupthink.

We talked about gratitude as a way to shift and release the anxiety. One gal mentioned that she'd always thought this conversation affected "other people" - but now it's starting to affect the decisions she and her family are making, with regard to vacations and other spending habits. Another has a real concern about the viability of her business.

"The Universe showers me
with abundance."

So did we arrive at any solutions or conclusions? Not really. But we did discuss the need to feel through the fear, as opposed to pretending the fear simply doesn't exist. We talked about meditation as a possible release. And we all set some pretty powerful intentions...affirmations and success statements to have on hand, ready to counter the negative thoughts when they do, inevitably, flood in.

We're thinking we will continue our meetings and discussions...perhaps moving on to other topics, as the conversations unfold.

I've invited all the participants to post here...so you may be seeing writings from many others than myself, going forward.

Whatever happens, if you've got comments on ways to stay positive in spite of the current financial climate, we'd love to hear them!

Spiritual Training Wheels: On Oprah, Tolle, and Beliefs

2008-04-20T12:08:00.000-07:00

I have recently been immersed in personal growth work with a spiritual teacher I met, of all places, in my Toastmasters club.

Last night, one of the gals from the club hosted a dinner party, with several of the members as guests. At one point, I mentioned that I had been taking these courses with this man from our club. One of the guests, a fellow member, said he’d been curious about the courses this man is offering, but was concerned about whether the nature of this self-growth work would conflict with his religious beliefs, as he was “very Christian.” I read “very” as fundamentalist. I perhaps fibbed just a little to say there was no conflict . . . the truth is, the goal of the work is to explore the beliefs that hold us hostage and prevent us from being all that our souls are meant to be. I went on to explain that this teacher holds no judgments about anyone’s religion, but that the work does necessarily cause its participants to explore the beliefs held by their families of origin, including religious beliefs, because certain limiting beliefs can and do come out of the teachings of many mainstream and organized religions . . . for example beliefs about gender roles and rightness and wrongness as absolutes. In the end, I recommended that he have a direct conversation with the teacher about his concerns.

The interesting thing to me was the nature of the question in the first place. I hear under it the expression that he is wanting more . . . but only as long as he doesn't have to give up those beliefs he’s been working so hard to cling to. (Cling to...hmmm...shades of Barack Obama? Not intentionally.) What occurs to me, though, is what a challenge that must be for so many people . . . this longing and wondering if there might be more, something deeper, a bigger understanding of ourselves and our purpose within the cosmos . . . which cannot help but bang into the shallow and/or fixed understanding that so many organized religions perpetuate as the answers to these seemingly unanswerable questions. This man also expressed that he'd had a somewhat negative reaction to The Secret and some of the other “new thought” messages that have been permeating our culture of late, but he wasn't really able to articulate the specifics of his opposition to their message.

Additionally, he mentioned a significant recent cultural conversation I had somehow managed to miss. It seems Oprah Winfrey has been reading Eckhart Tolle’s new book as part of her book club – and her enthusiastic embracing of Tolle’s message and beliefs are causing an intense furor among the middle-America Christian women who, apparently, have been the core of her fan base for all these years. This is GREAT news for me – because I’ve long believed that Oprah has had this enormous platform and wasn’t really doing much of anything with it. Well, I now stand corrected.

There’s a video running around YouTube right now (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JW4LLwkgmqA) that has received 5.5 MILLION hits since it was posted 3 weeks ago – that is opposing (denigrating?) Oprah’s (and Tolle’s) beliefs and is whipping up the conservative religious folks into such a furor that they are ready for revolt. I think I might find the whole thing humorous . . . if they weren’t so blindly committed to their beliefs and completely unable to understand Oprah's comments at the level she means them. I don’t think she went so far as to call these believers “small-minded” or “short-sighted,” but she’s asking them to explore the limitations of Christianity as it’s been handed down to all of us who grew up in organized religions. What it comes down to is that these people are scared – scared to their cores that if she’s wrong about this, she might have been wrong about a lot of other things she has said and they believed because she said them . . . and simultaneously scared that if she’s been right about so many of those other things, she might be right about this. Wow – to have your faith so blatantly challenged by your hero. No wonder they're feeling polarized and frightened.

I told this man at dinner last night that the coursework I'm doing does not espouse the belief that we are self-powered. That’s something called Humanism – and not what these teachings embrace. This work speaks of a connection to Source – some call it God, others refer to it as the Universe, but it’s the acknowledgement that we are all connected via some entity that’s much, much bigger than us. This is where the Oprah backlash is originating . . . they’re perceiving her questioning of Christianity as a disbelief in God – while she says explicitly in the very video that's attacking her that she simply “took God out of the box.”

Comfort zones have that name for a reason. Moving beyond them is never easy . . . particularly if doing so means embracing new ideas you have spent your whole lifetime opposing because you learned, believed, or accepted that they were somehow wrong. The thing is, we don't grow – in any capacity – by holding on to old thoughts. Every single thing we learn requires us to expand our beliefs in some way. Even in learning to ride a bike, we had to release the idea that it was unsafe to ride on two tires without the training wheels beneath us for support. I don't know about you, but I can still remember the terror, some 35 years ago, of letting go of those training wheels.

Spiritual training wheels . . . we can only grow so far until we're willing to release them.

Hope: It's not just for the college-educated

2008-02-10T12:37:00.000-08:00

David Brooks is at it again. This time, in his op-ed piece, "Questions for Dr. Retail," he challenges Barack Obama's message of hope. God forbid we should actually aspire to be educated, change, and grow. What a dismal outlook those options offer.

In his essay, Brooks notes the distinct contrast between the educational backgrounds of Obama supporters, versus those who would like to see Hillary Clinton win this historic election. "Hillary Clinton is a classic commodity provider. She caters to the less-educated, less-pretentious consumer," Brooks writes. "Barack Obama is an experience provider. He attracts the educated consumer," he continues.

His very use of the word pretentious to describe college-educated voters provides a clear understanding of Brooks' perspective on education. What I would like to know is, since when has it been pretentious to value knowledge and to encourage self-growth through education? What sane person anywhere would declare that the less educated you are, the better off? And yet, that seems to be Brooks' view.

Seemingly without realizing it, Brooks makes this point himself when he later writes:

DR. RETAIL: The consumer marketplace has been bifurcating for years! It’s happening because the educated and uneducated lead different sorts of lives. Educated people are not only growing richer than less-educated people, but their lifestyles are diverging as well. A generation ago, educated families and less-educated families looked the same, but now high school graduates divorce at twice the rate of college graduates. High school grads are much more likely to have kids out of wedlock. High school grads are much more likely to be obese. They’re much more likely to smoke and to die younger.
Their attitudes are different. High school grads are much less optimistic than college grads. They express less social trust. They feel less safe in public. They report having fewer friends and lower aspirations. The less educated speak the dialect of struggle; the more educated, the dialect of self-fulfillment.
Did you hear the message of Clinton’s speech Tuesday night? It’s a rotten world out there. Regular folks are getting the shaft. They need someone who’ll fight tougher, work harder and put loyalty over independence.
Then did you see the Hopemeister’s speech? His schtick makes sense if you’ve got a basic level of security in your life, if you’re looking up, not down. Meanwhile, Obama’s people are so taken with their messiah that soon they’ll be selling flowers at airports and arranging mass weddings. There’s a “Yes We Can” video floating around YouTube in which a bunch of celebrities like Scarlett Johansson and the guy from the Black Eyed Peas are singing the words to an Obama speech in escalating states of righteousness and ecstasy. If that video doesn’t creep out normal working-class voters, then nothing will.

Hopemeister. Good God. You'd think Obama was advocating for sending every American child to work in a sweat shop...when in fact, it's his very message of hope that appeals to these so-called "educated voters."

Brooks would have served the conversation much better if he had examined why it is that so much of middle American has lost hope. Why is it mostly the college-educated who have grand visions of possibility and promise? And, most importantly, why aren't we doing MORE to encourage Hillary's struggling masses – those who feel they are being shafted – to take ownership, take control, and know they need not settle for lives of mediocrity?

I keep reading that Obama is all smoke and mirrors, a great orator with no real message. Those who espouse such comments clearly are not listening. One – just one – piece of Obama's message is the goal of making a college education available to anyone who wants it. Because he actually understands the divide of which Brooks writes and he wants to build a bridge across the chasm. Thing is, those who want it will use this opportunity – and those who would rather sit and point their fingers at someone else for their problems and their lousy luck will continue to do so. What then, David Brooks?

Maybe we need to revision this contrast between the candidates and call Barack Obama's one of solution and Hillary Clinton's one of victimhood. Strangely enough – for one assumes a significant degree of education on Brooks' part – he seems to embrace the latter.

Getting Out of Judgment

2007-04-24T13:46:00.000-07:00

I was having a conversation with my sister recently about the idea of trying to stay out of judgment, regarding others’ decisions and behaviors. We mused together that every human alive has “stuff” – life experiences, points of view, emotions, education levels, past and present relationships – that cause us to relate to the world the way we do. Because we are relational creatures, human nature is to react when someone behaves in any particular way toward us. Of course, the more like us they are, or the more positive, pleasant, or funny, the more we tend to have a positive, pleasant, or humorous response to them.

But what happens when we encounter someone who behaves in a way that is counter to our nature? What if we’re one way, and we meet someone whose demeanor is generally belligerent, funny, extroverted, serious, thoughtful, melancholy, giddy, scattered, withdrawn, or in some other way different from our natural state? Is one of us right and the other wrong? Of course not. And that was the gist of our conversation . . . how we often forget that different does not equal wrong. Their way is not the right way, but neither is ours. We all just are.

That having been said, what if Mr. Belligerent regularly cuts people off in traffic, offers the one-finger salute when you slide into a parking space before him, takes the last of the coffee in the breakroom without ever refilling the pot, screams at his wife in public for forgetting to pick up the dry-cleaning, and kicks the dog as he comes in the door from work? Are those acceptable behaviors?

I would venture that taken singularly, one episode at a time, while they may not be acceptable, they are probably forgivable. As a pattern, though, and particularly if you had to live with this guy, who wouldn’t be inclined to want to sign him up for an anger management class? So where’s the compromise? Recognizing that we are all individuals and there really is no right way to be, yet understanding that someone who is set off by any little thing could be the next episode of road rage waiting to explode on an unsuspecting innocent bystander?

I believe the compromise lies in separating the behavior from the person. Now, I’m no shrink – so please don’t mistakenly perceive me to be treading in areas where I am uneducated and underinformed. This is just my common sense speaking. People are entitled to be however and whoever they are without my raining down judgment on them for not doing things the way I would do them. Objectively, though, I can still stand aside and know, intuitively, that a happier demeanor would probably bring someone more peace and greater overall health. I can allow an individual his or her space to be whoever and however they truly are – but if they’re committed to anger, a victim mentality, complaining, or illness, it’s unlikely that I will choose to spend much time with them.

We obviously see everything through our own lens, and judgment is a funny thing because it is a direct product of our own perception of the world. The other night, I was invited to fill in as the fifth girl on a slow-pitch co-ed softball team, so the team could avoid a forfeit. Let me tell you that the last time I played organized softball was back in college . . . many moons ago . . . so I was not surprised to be installed at the position of catcher. The interesting lesson from that night (besides the fact that I need to listen to my trainer and do more sprints to avoid hurting myself running the bases) was about perspective.

In my position as catcher, I was a foot or two from the umpire for most of the game, and able to see most pitches and plays from roughly the same angle as he saw them. Time after time, both teams complained about the calls, insisting he was calling balls that were strikes and vice-versa. They booed and bitched at his decisions regarding fair and foul balls. Guess what. From my point of view, shared with the ump, there was only one instance when he made a call I disagreed with. But we were standing in the same place, looking at things from the same visual perspective. All the others were hurling their reactions at him from other perspectives around the field.

Hmmm. How often, I wondered, is the same true about the rest of our lives? When we see a heavy person walking in the mall, what is our first instinct? Well, what if they are 212 pounds now, but feeling great about themselves because six months ago, they tipped the scales at 255? Who am I to make a critical judgment about their weight? And even if they’re on the way up, not down – it’ may not be healthy, but it is their life . . . their choice . . . and I have little right to make snap judgments.

I recently attended a meeting where the woman sitting across from me described living in an abusive marriage to an alcoholic. In spite of having two children at home who are daily witnesses to this man’s ugly behavior, the mom has determined that staying with him is the best course, for now . . . because he is a high-powered attorney who has so much pull with the judges and police departments that she is fairly certain she would never receive custody if she were to divorce him. Another lady at the same meeting, upon hearing these details, immediately commenced inveighing the mom with all the logic and the reasons why she must leave her husband at once. Thing is, while she may have thought she was being helpful, what she was really doing was pouring out her judgment on a mother who is truly in an unenviable situation and simply doing the best she can, given her circumstances.

It’s so easy to want to correct things for people. To judge their decisions, tell them what they’re doing wrong, and offer our omniscient perspective about how they should fix the situation. God, how arrogant.

A dozen or more years ago, I was introduced to relationship expert, Ellen Kreidman. She was the one to open my eyes to the arrogance of thrusting our opinions on others, unasked. Many people want to talk, to vent, to work through their problems . . . but unless they say words to the effect of, "What would you do?" or “What do you think I should do?” they are not asking for our opinions or seeking our advice. And until they do, the best thing we can do is keep our mouths shut.

I believe that judgment is a part of human nature. And it’s not all bad. Taking stock of the world around us helps us measure our own progress, success, desires, and growth. It helps us know which people, things, and goals we’d like to move toward, and also which behaviors and attitudes we might like to leave behind. It’s what we do with the judgment that matters. Do we simply make observations for our own benefit, or do we observe and then use what we observe to begin labeling, gossiping, and denigrating others? Used for the former, it is a constructive tool; used for the latter, judgment becomes a corrosive influence that stifles our creativity, growth, relationships, and the very development of our souls.

Silly — It's in the Eye of the Beholder

2007-01-15T07:53:00.000-08:00

The following post was my response to the OK Cupid question: If you saw an acquaintance acting incredibly silly when they thought nobody was watching, would you be more attracted or less attracted to them?

MORE attracted
Less attracted
My opinion of them would not change

*********************

Sark helped me get to a place of appreciating public silliness with one of her early books, Succulent Wild Women.

I used to think people who laughed "too loudly" in restaurants or wore big hats and colorful clothes were either weird or pathetic attention-seekers. Now I see that they are simply embracing life and living out loud.

I totally understand why other people still think the way I used to, but would defintitely prefer to associate with folks who, at the very least, would not lose respect for someone who acted silly in public. Silliness is a great, wonderful thing.

We live in a bizarre culture that has decided that to be adults, we must stomp out all childlike behavior and act, at all times, perfectly composed. I am not suggesting that we should create a free-for-all and give in to constant childish or immature behavior. Nevertheless, if more people would let their hair down, demonstrate the wonder of a child, and embrace silliness more often, we would all be happier, healthier, and wealthier!

Consanguinity and common bonds

2006-09-18T20:46:00.000-07:00

7/28/06

I was working to complete the editing for my friend and client, Maggie Hunts. She has a fabulous book called It's a Sweet Life Now: A Guide to Living Well and Happy with Diabetes. My vegetarian sister quietly knocked on my door, and asked me if I’d be willing to go over to the local Mexican food store, El Rancho Market, to get some carnitas — barbecued pork — because the meat she’s put into the stew she’s cooking for me and my mom is "coming out in hard, ugly little chunks."

"What do you mean?" I asked her.

"I mean, if I ate meat, I wouldn’t eat this," she said, nonplussed.

So off I went to El Rancho Market, stepping for a few minutes out of my regular day-to-day lily-white life into another world.

The fact is, this world should not be alien to me, being half Mexicana myself — but it is. My mother’s parents were from Mexico, and Spanish was her first language. My father, though white as a ghost/sheet/snow and of Irish and Italian ethnicity, spoke Spanish fluently. You would think some of that should have filtered down to my sister and me, right? But no, not really. In spite of my dad’s continued protestations for my entire life that I should learn to speak Spanish fluently because it would make me much more marketable. Hello? Who had the ideal opportunity to create two darling little bilingual daughters but, for reasons we will never know, chose not to?

At the tender age of 39, I presently speak enough Spanish to direct someone in New York City to the green subway line . . . or to sell someone a ticket to a ballgame at Chase Field. That’s pretty much the range of my foreign language skills. When I set the car radio to one of the myriad Spanish-language stations for my mom, I understand a lot of the individual words, but it’s challenging for me to infer substantive meaning, and I certainly could not carry my side of a conversation with anything resembling fluency.

I grew up identifying myself as both white and Hispanic, because that is who I am. I rub elbows with the Mexican side of my family at the occasional reunion, or when they drop in for visit on their way to Rocky Point. I enjoy tamales and other Mexican foods perhaps more than most because I grew up eating them regularly. I even make a mean Spanish Rice dish for the occasional potluck I attend.

I honor and revere the December 12 feast day of La Virgen de Guadalupe, particularly because my mother’s oldest sister shared her name. I enjoy some Latin music and love the bright colors of the art of Central and Latin America. But in everyday reality, I live and work and play and am immersed in the white culture. Although I am more familiar than most with life inside the Hispanic world, I am only a fleeting visitor there. I do not really belong.

Standing in line as I waited to order my carnitas, I looked on at a scene that might have been a snapshot straight out of a real Mexican village.

People — families with and without children, singles, groups of men — strewn about picnic tables painted bright green with red and black swirls. Sixteen slow-moving ceiling fans, each fin with its own ancillary tail of green, yellow, and pink crepe paper strips. Mountain upon mountain of produce. Dark hair and olive skin, almost to a person, the exception being two senior-aged white couples who might have been vacationing, two white men apparently married to the Hispanic women they accompanied, and one absolutely miserable looking 60+ white woman standing in front of the store, perhaps waiting for a taxi after arriving at the wrong store. (That would be an understandable mistake, as this location of El Rancho Market was once a K-Mart.)

Surrounded by dark-skinned Latin people, my thoughts invariably turned to the red-hot issue of the day: stemming the tide of illegal immigration into the U.S., particularly into our border state. As the immigration debate rages, I daily find myself sympathizing and empathizing with the plight of the immigrants, many of whom come here because, in their eyes, it is a matter of survival. The arguments on both sides of the issue are wide, and each has valid concerns. But the problem for me is the racism that invariably creeps into these conversations. I believe that most people don’t deliberately set out to be bigoted or hateful. Quite simply, prejudice is easily defendable when you’re scared, the world around you is changing rapidly, and you feel powerless to combat the changes. However, when all is said and done, we are talking about human beings . . . people with whom I share a common bond. Consanguinity. Literally, with common blood.

So why is the experience of visiting El Rancho Market so foreign to me? And if it feels awkward and a bit uncomfortable for me — I who am more familiar than most with the Spanish language, as well as Mexican music, food, culture, and beliefs — how could I ever expect that it would be easy for those completely apart from this aspect of my heritage to understand and embrace it?

I recently heard Dr. Mark Gopin, an expert on the Middle East crisis, offer a marvelous, actionable idea, when asked what one person can do to help end the seemingly endless conflicts that spring up as a result of our differences of beliefs and opinions. To paraphrase, he said we must immerse ourselves in the viewpoints of the "other side," so much so that they are no longer other from us. So much so that we actually can begin to understand that other’s position, or at least become desensitized to their position so that it no longer riles us and rankles us and causes us to get our backs up and raise our fists in anger.

Such a simple answer, yet so powerful. And one very few of us ever reach for. We love our opinions, and we remain entrenched in them. Ask my friends and family — I am chief among the critics.

But as I stood at El Rancho Market today, observing the people who ventured out to spend their Sunday listening to the impeccably groomed mariachis in their cream-colored suits with big brass buttons or the payaso flaco (skinny clown) who undulated to loud Latin music while weaving balloons into marvelous shapes, I was reminded that I, too, must continue to immerse myself in the experience of the other.

For me, others include men, vegetarians, nonreaders, non-Americans, technophobes, non-English speakers, Republicans, parents, bird owners, boat owners, scientists, mathematicians, marathoners, trendy dressers, hip-hop lovers, graffiti artists, addicts, homeless, gays and lesbians, atheists, creationists, people with 9-5 jobs.

Truly, each of us is connected to every other person on this planet via our humanity. And the only way we can ensure the continuation of our species is by recognizing our differences and celebrating our common bonds. When you think about it, we really do have the power to break down intolerance, but we are going to have to do it one person at a time.

The Beat Goes On...

2006-09-18T20:45:00.000-07:00

7/8/06

I received the following e-mail from a friend this morning. He's becoming increasingly frustrated with the debate and hysteria surrounding Al Gore's film, An Inconvenient Truth. In fact, he gave a great speech recently in our Toastmasters club about how we should really look more to things we can change than continue to worry about global warming. I couldn't agree more.

From T.O.:

Good article, still a little too much doom and gloom. For example, technological efficiencies have improved drastically and there is no reason to believe the trend will not continue going forward. Additionally, he isn’t accounting for the possibility of this being more of a natural phenomenon, in other words, how much do we attribute to natural internal variation v.s. human behavior...oh yeah, attribution...tricky word to remember...

Plus he isn’t mentioning that as recent as 1990 scientists believed we were headed for another ice age.

He is spot on about Kyoto from what I understand.

I continue to enjoy the fun comments about Gore from all the different sources, though…

My response:

I agree. I think it's hubris on the part of American humans to think that we really have all that much to do with the natural shifts of the COSMOS. Global weather patterns are not unique to planet Earth. Where did these people get the idea that because we happen to populate the planet, we have any power to affect it on a cosmic level? Sure, our technology and environmental pollutions no doubt are having some impact on the climate...but I'd be willing to bet they are insignificant, when measured against what would have naturally occurred if there had never been human life on this planet. Unfortunately, it's one of those situations where we'll never know...but if we could, all the alarmists might just back down a little bit.

Another thing I've never seen any mention of is the adaptability of ALL the creatures who inhabit this planet. Yes, humans are contracting more cancer and other diseases than we used to...but I still hold that that has a lot more to do with our psychology than our physiology. As our environs change, though, our bodies adapt with them. Of course, if the surface temps get to sizzling, we probably won't be able to withstand that...but if it gets slightly colder, hotter, more humid, or less so...we'll adjust. We always have before.

I have to go back to your speech — let's work with the things we can change. Let's change our attitudes to ones of gratitude, rather than victim. Let's live that motto of thinking globally and acting locally.

The last thing about this article is that he gives it up as a lost cause that people will be willing to make shifts in the right direction. It always absolutely makes me cringe when people say that things are impossible. This will never work. No one will buy into that. Marketing ALWAYS works. All it takes to get anyone to do anything is putting the right spin on it. Getting people to buy into being more selfless...about everything up to and including the environment...is no doubt a tough sell. But to say that we can't do it is to write off our innate human wisdom and drive toward perfection. None of us would be here if we didn't have that... I think it's just a matter of getting the right people to lead the way.

This is one reason Oprah pisses me off so much. What the fuck good does it do to have all the power and influence she wields when she's still dealing with stuff like recommending good beach reading? Where are her causes????

I admire Bill and Marilyn Gates and Bono more than any people on the planet. We don't have many true heroes anymore, but those three are certainly among them. And anyone who says Bill got rich by stealing from others needs to take a look at his/her own motivations before he/she starts casting stones. I'm so tired of hearing that stupid argument.

Thanks for getting me going on this topic!

L

Musings and questions about America's broken education system

2006-09-18T20:43:00.000-07:00

5/6/06

I had the privilege recently of attending a fundraising luncheon for Gabrie's Angels, an amazing nonprofit organization in Arizona that uses pet therapy to heal child victims of domestic violence, enabling them to regain trust, love, hope...and eventually free them from the cycle of violence.

During the luncheon, the conversation turned to the question of how we got here...to a place where 25,000 children in Maricopa County, alone, are living in shelters as they await placement in foster families. How did our society get to be so broken?

I was going through some old e-mails today, and came across one on a related subject. Back in April, the Arizona Republic ran a special section on Sunday, April 16, called "The Faces of Domestic Violence." This was a marketing/informational piece announcing the upcoming "Walk to End Domestic Violence" on April 22.

After reading the entire pullout section, I realized they had never even touched on the entire theme of the walk, the ending of domestic violence. In response, I wrote the following letter to the editor:

I just finished reading your pullout section, "The Faces of Domestic Violence." It is good to see serious attention finally being paid to what is an epidemic in our country. But I am puzzled and saddened about a glaring omission in all of your coverage: there is not one single article that discusses how we let things get so out of control in the first place. This issue did not spring up overnight - it has been with us since the dawn of time. But if your statistics are correct, and one in three women is a victim, why are we merely worried about there being enough beds for those who are fleeing and overlooking the need to END the cycle of violence as quickly as possible?

We cannot continue to pour money, time, attention, and energy into bandaging the broken women and children after the fact. We must begin to understand the myriad sociological issues that begat the problem, and taking every measure necessary to address the issues, correct them, and prevent the cycle from continuing, ad infinitum.

Yes, let us continue to support the female (and male) victims of this insidious crime. But let us not ignore the source of the problem; let us expend at least an equal effort to get the violators the help they so desperately need.

My letter was not published.

After the Gabriel's Angels luncheon, I sent the following e-mail to my friend who had generated the question about how we got here, including the text of the Letter to the Editor I had submitted to the Arizona Republic:

Hi, David.

Thanks so much for attending the luncheon yesterday. Interestingly, I sent this letter to the Arizona Republic following their publishing of a special section that preceded the "Walk to End Domestic Violence." Apparently, my thoughts were somehow counter to their agenda, as they did not publish my letter. It explores the same issues you raised at the luncheon yesterday...and suggested a solution.

I guess those of us with strong — but alternate — opinions just need to keep on speaking until someone begins listening.

Have a good weekend —

L

To which, he replied...and sent me a link to an article he thought I would find interesting because he believed it was related to the subject. First, you must know that David is (and he will admit this readily) a hard-core conservative. I, obviously, am not. Now the article he sent is, in my opinion, a lot of right-wing propaganda. However, I read the whole thing, and have to admit that I did find some truth in in.

The next piece is my response to David regarding the article he asked me to read:

Hi, David.

That's a mighty interesting piece of writing. I won't disappoint you by telling you that I agree with the whole of it...don't forget my largely l-i-b-e-r-a-l perspective. I do, however, see an accurate theme run through it, in that we've become so acculturated to this whole idea of political correctness that we no longer even have a benchmark against which to measure any of our instruction. When, for instance, did English become "Language Arts"?? And this whole idea that 2 + 2 might not necessarily = 4 scares the shit out of me! I remember you ranting a while back about purple ink - teachers starting to use purple instead of red because kids are being psychologically "damaged" by all the red on their school papers. Right. Well, use enough purple ink, then it will become the "bad" color and a new purple ink psychosis will develop. Christ — there actually are correct answers, sometimes.

My biggest problem is less with the politics and morality that is or is not being taught in our schools than with the way education is done, overall, in America. Rather than teach our youth HOW to think, we worry exclusively about teaching them WHAT to think. OK — so that does fall under the purview of the material in your article. But I believe the human brain — and particularly the brain of a child — is so adaptable, that learning what to think is something we can do as we meander through life, regardless of the method by which we learn it. If we live on a farm, we learn to count eggs. If we live in New York City, we learn to count taxis. The counting skill set, though, is the same for everyone. The critical tools which virtually no students in American schools are developing today are the skills of how to think, reason, analyze, and become resourceful, enterprising adults. Creativity is neither taught nor measured — in fact, if children are too creative, they're branded "problems" and quickly hooked up with a nice prescription of Ritalin.

One guy in our Toastmasters club gave a speech a few weeks ago about the workforce in America. It wasn't a great speech, but he did say something I found interesting — and alarming. The Gen X and Gen Y employees in the workforce today are, by and large, INCAPABLE of doing the work for which they have been hired. Meaning that there's lots of room for baby boomers who want/need to keep on working...but what do we do when the last of the baby boomer generation moves out of the workforce? And why is no one alarmed enough about it to do anything about it??

No one thought Rome would fall...but it did. We're sitting on the precipice before collapse, right here in the good old USA. I'm not a pessimist or one to focus on the negative, so I fully intend to keep on working to teach and heal the world. But as an entrepreneur, I'm learning that the money, the notoriety, and the visibility comes in providing big solutions to big problems. The biggest hurdle we face with education is in getting people to acknowledge that it IS a problem — and then getting them to talk reasonably about effective solutions.

Home schooling is not the way for everyone to go...but I certainly think it is a good idea, where practical. In my opinion, Montessori is much more on the right path, in that this whole idea we live and die by in our country of educating children according to their chronological age, rather than according to their ability and emotional maturity, is a significant part of what's wrong in the "education" factories that masquerade as schools here. God forbid little Johnny be 9 but be in the reading group with 6-year-olds...because his parents would be embarrassed. What's more important — parental pride or getting your kid the skills he needs to make it in life?

Thanks for sharing. Be well —

Laura

I truly welcome your comments on this subject.

Holiday traditions that honor my MIXED heritage

2006-09-18T20:41:00.000-07:00

12/4/05

As an Anglo-Hispanic of mixed heritage, I have enjoyed different holiday customs over the years. Growing up in the Southwest, my primary ethnic experience has been Hispanic, via Mexico (birthland to both my maternal grandmother & grandfather). However, upon researching Mexican holiday traditions, as well as those of the other cultures from which I descend (Italian from my paternal grandfather & Irish from my paternal grandmother), I discovered the following:

IRELAND — Nollaig Shona Duit! (null-ig hun-a dit)

A famous Irish tradition still practiced there — and here — is the placing of a lighted candle in the window of a house on Christmas eve. The candle has a number of purposes, but primarily it is a symbol of hospitality and welcome to Mary and Joseph as they travel looking for shelter. The candle was a way of saying there was room for Jesus' parents in these homes even if there was none in Bethlehem. Some people even set extra places at their tables as a preparation for unexpected visitors. The candle once also indicated a safe place for priests to perform Mass as at times when this was not allowed.

ITALY — Buon Natale!

One Italian tradition is the building of the ceppo, a wooden frame several feet high designed in a pyramid shape. The frame supports several tiers of shelves, often with a manger scene on the bottom, and small gifts of fruit, candy, and presents on the shelves above. Also known as the "Tree of Light," it is entirely decorated with colored paper, gilt pinecones, and miniature colored pennants. Small candles are fastened to the tapering sides and a star or small doll is hung at the apex.

In Rome and surrounding areas, bagpipers and flute players (Zampognari and Pifferai) in traditional colorful costumes of sheepskin vests, knee-high breeches, white stockings and long dark cloaks, travel from their homes in the Abruzzi mountains to entertain crowds of people at religious shrines.

MEXICO — Feliz Navidad!

Christmas for Mexicans, in traditional homes and rural areas, is a religious holiday.

One of Mexico’s most beautiful Christmas traditions is Las Posadas, a nine-day reenactment of Joseph and Mary looking for lodging in Bethlehem when, according to the gospels, they went to be counted in the Census. The actors are called los peregrinos, or pilgrims. Each family in a neighborhood schedules a night for the Posada to be held at their home, beginning on the 16th of December and finishing on the 24th. Christmas Eve is known as La Noche Buena, or the Good Night. The peregrinos ask for lodging in three different houses, but only the third one will allow them in, that house having the Posada for that evening.

(Only the colorblind could miss the interesting similarity between all the flags of my ethnic origins, don't you think??)

UNITED STATES — Merry Christmas

My favorite American tradition is watching How the Grinch Stole Christmas. I love the Who’s in Whoville.

How can you get there if you don't know where THERE is?

2006-09-18T20:38:00.000-07:00

3/31/05

Imagine planning a vacation — packing up the family and heading to the airport, luggage in tow. You get to the airport, excited about your big trip — but you have no tickets, you have no destination. You get to the ticket counter and ask the agent to sell you four tickets to . . . anywhere. Who would do that? Not very many people, right?

But that’s exactly what most of us do as we go through life because most of us don’t have any specific goals mapped out. An astonishing number of people do not have any goals for their lives — recent research puts the figure at approximately 95 percent of all Americans.

Now, imagine you know where you’re going on vacation, and you’re planning on driving to your destination, but you don’t have a map. You could rely on your keen sense of direction, use a compass, stop and ask people along the way — and eventually you’d probably get there. But wouldn’t your trip be a whole lot more enjoyable — wouldn’t you get there much more quickly to enjoy the vacation part of your vacation — if you had a map?

First you have to set the goal — then you have to write it down before you can begin to take
steps to achieve it.

Writing your goals down is like drawing the map. Remember how only 5 percent of Americans have goals at all? Well, only 3 percent of those people have taken the time to write down their goals.

Why is it important to have both personal and professional goals?

By setting goals on a routine basis, you decide what you want to achieve, and then move step-by-step toward manifesting it. The process of setting goals and targets allows you to choose where you want to go in life. By knowing precisely what you want to achieve, you know where you must place your focus to achieve it, and you become able to disregard those things that are merely distractions.

Determine your goals.

Decide what you want to accomplish in your personal and professional life. It doesn’t matter whether it’s to lose 10 pounds or make a million dollars by the end of next year. Just decide what you want to do in your life.

Of course, if you like the status quo — or the boat-tossed-about-by-the-sea direction of your life — there’s not really any reason to set goals. If, however, you desire to move your life forward, past your present reality and into the greatness you know you were born to achieve, goal-setting is an essential tool to help you get there. One trait shared by virtually every accomplished leader is that they set goals and then prioritize them.

So what are the steps to manifesting your dreams?

Set them in Writing — Writing your goals down will give power to them. Simply by writing them down, you are 10 times more likely to accomplish them. You will manifest your goals more quickly if you reread them regularly — but even if you never look at the page where you write them again, by writing your goals down, your brain begins to internalize them and starts to figure out ways to bring them to life.

Measurable — There's a saying, "That which is recorded gets done;" however a codicil to that saying is, "That which is measurable is valued and, therefore, important." If you can see where you've come from, you can know how much progress you've made, reassess your goals, if need be, and guage how long it will take to reach your ultimate goal.

Achievable — Setting lofty goals is a good thing! But if you set unrealistically lofty goals (like becoming a pro hockey player if you've never even been on ice skates), you're going to frustrate yourself and fail before you even begin. Remember that baby steps work. Break the big goals into smaller ones, and you will get there, one step at a time.

Reward your progress — Be gentle with yourself, and be sure to celebrate all of your success, no matter how small, along the way. Rewards will keep you motivated to continue in quest of your goal.

Timeline — If your goal doesn’t have a deadline, it’s a wish, not a goal.

Your goal will have one of three possible outcomes:

You will achieve it.
You will exceed it.
You will not achieve it.

If you do not achieve your goal, that does not mean you have failed. It simply means you did not achieve your goal. The bigger the goals we set, the more likely we are not to complete them exactly as we set them out. That doesn’t mean we don’t set them. It means we revise them, and tweak them, and adjust them until we get the steps in the right order. But we keep on making them, and we keep on achieving them, even if we do this in baby steps.

Areas in which to set goals

Spirituality
Health
Career/Business
Finances
Relationships
Family
Philanthropy/Community
Leisure Time

Timeframes along which to set goals

Daily
Weekly
Monthly
Annual
5 Years
10 Years

And if you really want to play big: Set the goal for your Financial Freedom Date. The date after which you’ve earned enough income to be set for life.

One last thing about goals. It’s crucial to prioritize them. Prioritizing your goals may be the most challenging part of all. For example, if your daughter’s championship soccer game coincided with a client meeting whose investment in your company could mean millions of dollars, which would you choose to attend? If you truly do prioritize, you will know the answer to that question before it ever arises, and you won’t apologize for whichever decision you make.

If you need help getting started, you might want to visit mygoals.com.

You can get out of your rut! Start taking control of your life by making some decisions about it. Then write down your goals and watch the magic begin.

________________________________
This was my "Organize Your Speech" speech for my Toastmasters club. Airpark Toastmasters meets every Thursday at noon at the University of Phoenix campus located at Raintree & 101 in Scottsdale, Arizona. Check the TV monitor in the vestibule for the room number. Guests are always welcome!

Life Lesson: Deal with the poop BEFORE it rains

2006-09-18T20:35:00.000-07:00

1/25/05

You know how life sometimes has lessons for you? And how, sometimes, it takes more than one go-round to learn them?

One of mine, recently, has been a lesson about taking action NOW. Rather than procrastinate, justify, or wait for someone else to take care of my problems, I am learning first to focus, and then to take action. The fact is, it was my own original actions (or inactions) that got me here, so now there's nothing to do but claim this issue as mine, and take whatever steps are necessary to progress past it.

But taking action is only the first half of resolution. Have you ever noticed that the only thing action, alone, gets you is a bunch of unfinished projects? Action is useless unless it is accompanied by follow-through . . . all the way through to completion.

In my own life, I've found myself delaying those slightly bothersome issues until they become problems, and I am forced to deal with them.

Recently, an example of this behavior served as one of those huge "ah-ah" moments for me. I'd like to share that with you now.

I have two dogs — one, Moondanz, is small, a Jack Russell terrier. Brutus, on the other hand, is a German shepherd whose name belies his size.

On the day in question, I was out in the back yard, enlisted with the task of cleaning up after Moondanze and Brutus. As you might imagine, their "piles" differ in size, just like the dogs do. You'll understand if I tell you that picking up dog poop is not one of my favorite activities. This day was no exception. Except that when I went outside, committed to finally taking care of this lovely job, I realized it had rained overnight. Not drizzled or sprinkled. Rained. A lot.

[OK — there’s no way to keep this from getting a bit crass here, so if you have a weak stomach or are one of those highly sensitive types, you should probably just stop reading now.]

Back to the rain-soaked yard. And the piles of poop that are . . . no longer piles. They’re droopy, gloppy, amorphous masses that are next to impossible to pick up with a traditional pooper scooper.

Which meant . . . I had to get out the shovel.

The thing is, as I was shoveling poop into the trash bin, leaving a wake of naked soil patches amid the now very green grass, something occurred to me. Much as I don’t really love cleaning up after the dogs, it’s not that difficult a job. A few solid little piles here and there. You scoop ‘em up, toss ‘em into the bin, and you’re done. The only reason this day’s work was so much more challenging was because of the rain.

At that point, the ubiquitous light bulb went off. "Hey, this is a lot like that thing I’ve been avoiding." If I take care of it now, while it's still just a bothersome detail, it’s like a clean, solid pile of poop. I may not want to have to deal with it, but once I take care of it, it’ll be done. So why have I been putting it off? As I thought about it, I was reminded that, almost invariably, things aren’t as difficult or time-consuming as we think they’ll be . . . unless we wait till after it rains to try to pick up the poop.

You know what? I found out that something else happens when you wait till after it rains to pick up the poop. Because of the messy state of things, you’re not picking up just the pile anymore. You’re now including a goodly portion of grass and soil with each shovelful — making the bag really, really heavy when you go to dispose of it in the big communal trash bin in the alley.

I want to rewrite that old bumper sticker we all remember:

Poop Happens – You Gonna Get It Before the Rain Does?
We all have poop in our lives. Emotional poop. Relationship poop. Financial poop. Job poop. Family poop. It’s a fact of life — poop is part of being alive.

The question is, are you gonna take care of the poop now, when it’s mildly distasteful but certainly manageable? Or are you gonna wait till it rains for the poop to get gloppy and disgusting . . . so much so that you leave scars on the land (or people) as you deal with it?

I'll issue to you the challnege I've issued to myself: Take action daily. And follow through to completion. Otherwise, there’s a good chance you’ll find yourself cleaning up after a rainstorm.
________________

My Path to Self-Discovery...

2006-09-18T20:33:00.000-07:00

11/18/04

...I’ll send you an e-mail when I get there...

Imagine a shy little girl growing up in a pretty strict Catholic home. She’s not terribly outgoing, so she doesn’t have nearly as many friends as her very popular younger sister. In fact, one of her teacher actually sends a note home from school that says, in effect, the little girl is too quiet. Like many quiet people, she has a tough time making friends. Instead, she immerses herself in every kind of book imaginable. She also proves to be quite a good writer. In fact, in the third grade she wins an award for the best Halloween short story.

For her first job, she works as a junior clerk at House of Fabrics, where she collects the first of many fabric caches, some of which actually followed her through a half-dozen moves. High school is challenging for her — not academically, but because of the awkwardness of trying to fit in at a Catholic girls’ school. She finally finds a circle, among her boyfriend’s friends at the adjoining Catholic boys’ school.

When they break up at the start of her sophomore year in college, she is bereft, because in losing him, she’s lost her social network.

It’s funny how life seems to divide up into segments. When I broke up with Anthony — the high school boyfriend — I thought the world was going to end. It didn’t. Then there was the After Anthony Period. Next came the Tony Era — not to be confused with Anthony, mind you . . . these were two distinctly different individuals.

With Tony, I had a son whom we placed for adoption. So within the Tony Era, there was Before the Adoption, After the Adoption, and — thankfully — the After-Tony Era.

The After-Tony Era and the Phoenix Interval, so far, seem to be one in the same. The Phoenix Interval is about to celebrate its 5-year anniversary, coming up next month, in fact. I suppose the Phoenix Interval could be segmented into the Time I Had a Real Job and the day I quit that real job to Live a Life of Purpose, as opposed to having life happen to me in a way that was only pleasing to others.

Which brings me to today. Standing here. In front of you. Telling you about my life, and my path of self-discovery.

Let me fill in a few blanks. I did graduate from the University of Arizona with a degree in nonfiction writing. I worked at the Arizona Daily Star as a research librarian for nearly 7 years. I moved to New York and worked at a Wall Street investment bank for six years. I learned to be a kick-ass word processor. I found a family for the son I was not ready to raise. I finally got tired of existing alone in my relationship with his father, and moved back to Arizona.

Somewhere along the way there, I grew into quite an accomplished writer. I got to be pretty good at graphics and layout. I threw myself out there as a speaker, and seem to do OK with that, as well. I learned to sew and craft. I’m still a voracious reader.

And through it all, I never really thought of myself as a people person. For the longest time, I’d join a club or start a new job or somehow become part of a new group of people, and I was always amazed when people knew my name. I often knew theirs — but for some reason, I never expected them to know who I was. It just didn’t occur to me that I made an impression on anyone. But I did. And I do.

I’ve taken a few of those self-evaluation/personality tests over the last year or so. Because I’ve always been so strong with language, I expected that my writing skills would be the strongest. Imagine my surprise, again, when with each of several different tests, I consistently scored the highest in ability to relate to other people.

Maybe I should identify this as my Relational Phase.

As I was thinking about those personality tests, it occurred to me that all of us have skills in every of the measurable areas. The thing that differs from person to person is the degree of our qualification or achievement in each area. For example: the degree of happiness we experience, the degree of intelligence, the degree of our analytical skills, the degree of our creativity, the degree of our athletic ability, the degree of our socialization, the degree of our ability to organize, the degree of how satisfied each one of us is with his or her life.

I know I have been blessed with many talents. I’m really, really good at lots of things, like writing and sewing and most creative avenues. But there are other, more mundane things where I have lots of room for improvement — like balancing my checkbook, car maintenance, and relationships with my immediate family.

I think it’s human nature to gravitate toward the things we’re naturally good at; and likewise, we shy away from the stuff we find tedious or troublesome. But the key to living a fulfilled life that is not unnecessarily challenging is to find a degree of balance among all the aspects that make us who we are. It’s kind of like getting all the settings on your stereo just so — bass, treble, fade, volume.

I have a whole list of intentions for my life. Some days I say them several times; other days not at all. But each day there is one intention I say throughout the day, and that is my prayer — my request — to know the next right thing for myself and for my life.
I’ve come a long way since being that prim and proper little girl who never, ever, ever stepped out of line. But self-discovery is a process. If we think we’ve gotten there, where we really are is in a rut.

I want to leave you with a saying I love — you may have seen it on a bumper sticker.

Well-behaved women seldom make history.
My goal is to find a degree of balance between being that good girl and being a history-maker.

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This was my "Ice Breaker" speech for my Toastmasters club. Airpark Toastmasters meets every Thursday at noon at the Raintree & 101 University of Phoenix campus in Scottsdale, Arizona. Check the TV monitor in the vestibule for the room number. Guests are always welcome!

Kerry Supporters — Out But NOT Down

2006-09-18T20:29:00.000-07:00

11/03/04

Here We Go Again

You probably remember that old adage — Today is the first day of the rest of your life. Well, today is the first day of the second reign of George W. Bush. OK, that doesn't technically begin until the inauguration in January, but why be technical at this point?

I, for one, did not vote for him. I, for one, find him distasteful, at best — an incompetent, war-mongering, imbecilic religious ideologue at worst. During the campaign, I wore a button that says:

Like a rock — only dumber.
Not the most eloquent or intellectual observation, I know, but it captured my feelings in 5 small words.

Question From a Friend

Today I received an e-mail from a wonderful friend, asking my opinion on the election results:

Laura -

How are you about the election? M (a mutual friend) reported much crying and wanting to move to another country!

It is amazing to me that the Republicans kicked ass basically. Guess the population is fear based and naive....

* * *
In line yesterday at the polling place my line partners were bitching up a storm about having to wait, poor planning, etc. I was mostly positive, but did get into some grumbling. But....the man in front of me turned and said, "Hey, at least we have the privilege of being able to stand here and vote." I said...."Thanks for that reframe." That at least was true.

Today I woke up feeling like shit. Standing for 3 hrs with a bunch of republicans probably sucked my energy. The collective consciousness is in the toilet right now and the democrats let the GOP become the party of values/morals. That's a joke when you look at W's lying and scheming to get us into Iraq, but the sheep need their shepherd.

T

My Response to the Question

Hey, T —

Well, to begin to answer your question...

I saw a 'W' bumper sticker on a big white truck at ASU Downtown today and was surprised by my very genuine desire to key their car. Self-control won out...until I got in my car and heard George's victory speech. He urges all of those who voted for his opponent to unite with him — he's going to work to gain our support. Yeah — if he had my support, I wouldn't have voted against him or feel such bile in my throat to hear him smirk about winning.

So how am I? Well, I kept praying all night for the next right thing to occur. I share your view that we live among a naive, fear-based population — but I always have to go back to my belief that all things are exactly as they're supposed to be. Everything is perfect in this moment. Good things did come out of this election: the HUGE mobilization of voters — and the awareness campaign that got many of them to the polls in the first place.

Today I heard the reason Kerry failed to carry the Midwest, in spite of all the lost jobs there, came down to morals and family values. T, I think you're the one who told me about the huge national shift back(wards) to strident fundamentalism. I guess in this out-of-control world, it's easier to believe in a God of Fear than it is to take personal responsibility for our decisions and their results in our lives. And it's that very thing that would seem to be the reason George won.

I talked with [another friend] yesterday and tried to explain to him that my biggest problem with Republicans is their seemingly incredibly narrow view of the world. The intolerance is mind-boggling at times — and that is the thing I fear most about 4 more years under this president. How can people not get that???

J [another friend] told me yesterday that if Bush won, she was moving back to Spain. I haven't tracked her down yet — but I know she was only partly tongue in cheek as she said that.

But rather than moving out of the country, perhaps — and this is a big PERHAPS — those of us who failed to remove Bush from office are being called upon to use this time to wage personal campaigns for change. You and I and all the other visionaries we know must unite in our desire to change hearts — but the only way we're going to change them is one person at a time.

Laura

My Feelings on Bush & Supporters

So why did Bush win?? I know — that's the $1,000,000 question.

From the 11/3/04 David Letterman Show:

Top Ten Excuses for John Kerry's Loss:

#2 Voters seem to really like a weak economy and a badly run war.
Letterman also had a guy on the street "polling" people about the election. One of the questions was: "Do you think you're smarter than George W. Bush?" One after another, the answers were, "Yes," "Of course," "Absolutely," "Hands down," and the like — with the exception of the last guy (wearing a Mets hat), who said, "Uh, no."

Tonight I heard one of the talking heads say it came down to gays, God, and guns. I think this may be true. In the face of uncertain times, a surprising number (to me) of people in our country seem to be reverting to an intolerant, conservative, narrow perspective that follows the Fear of God/God of Fear doctrine. And George W's handlers undoubtedly knew what they were doing, in pandering to that fear.

What we must remember are the immortal words of one of America's most popular (Democrat) presidents: The only thing we have to fear is fear itself. FDR had it right — but, as a nation, we largely seem to have forgotten that message.

Rather than take personal responsibility for our own fates, it's easier to turn to government and religion to explain the ills of the world — and to save us. Not that belief in God is a bad thing, in and of itself. (I still go to Mass on most Sundays!) But when we wage war on freedom, democracy, and other countries in the name of God — lying to create support — that belief system becomes enormously destructive. If the good of the entirety of the American people, as opposed to a select few, is not at the seat of all decisions regarding our country, then something is amiss.

Just so you know where I stand, my personal issues of concern are:

> The war — and our foreign (i.e., oil) policy in general
> Gun zealots
> Gay marriage amendment
> Increasing unemployment due to the continued overseas outsourcing of American jobs
> Tax credits for the richest of the rich and the increasing decimation of the middle class
> Erosion of civil rights in the name of security

I'm sure there are others, but those are the ones that come immediately to mind.

An Idea Emerges

So as I was answering my friend's e-mail question, a couple of thoughts came to me...

T, M, J, and I can't be the only ones who feel this way!

But what can we do???

Those of us who feel like our voices were not heard in this election should UNITE to figure out a realistic plan for what our next right step is. Maybe if we mobilize now, we can figure out how to make a difference in spite of the outcome of this election.

I'm talking about a form of networking, but it's different from business networking because in this case, I mean AWARENESS networking.

My Challenge to You

Do you still feel like you have the power to make a difference? Then I challenge you to help me get a group together to begin to map out a strategy, a plan for the future.

Sure, there will be some bitching and venting — but if we worked at it, we could stem that and catalyze our frustration and anger into useful action!!!

What Will This Look Like?

Obviously, since this is still theoretical, I'm not sure what it will look like yet. What I do envision are meetings where we discuss ways to create conversations in everyday life that will help change the status quo by challenging people to make a difference. I envision specific brainstorming and strategy sessions, where we toss around ideas for ways to further unify and coalesce people to make their voices heard.

I'm not sure what we'll call the group — or, organizationally speaking, what exactly it will be.

I see it having the components of:

- a think tank
- a visionary action group
- a consortium for change
- an awareness mastermind group

If it sounds amorphous at this time, that's OK — it is. We will define it as we go along. The first key to brainstorming is that there are no wrong ideas. No thought is too far-fetched.

Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it.
Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it.
— Goethe
This is our mantra!

How Does It Work?

In order for this to work, we must first understand that every one of us who chooses to particpate will be coming from a slightly different perspective. In fact, politically speaking, the only singularly uniting factor for all of us, of which I am absolutely certain, is that we all really, really, really wanted to see Bush ousted from office.

Yet, there may be liberal Republicans among us, conservative Democrats, Independents...and we each will bring to the table our own personal ideologies. That will not be a problem as long as we agree in advance that we are united in our mission:

(1) to create a new awareness of our own power to change the world;

(2) that personal responsibility trumps fear every time;

(3) that faith and truth still reign supreme;

(4) that we maintain a non-judgmental approach toward those whose minds we seek to open and/or change.

Are You With Me?

Please know, I am really serious about this. I haven't figured out the logistics yet — first I need to know how many people would be interested in forming a group like this. How many other people do you know who might be interested?

It's my very strong opinion that if we're going to do this, we must move quickly and start while we still have the energy of anger, frustration, and movement to motivate us.

If you are interested — and if you have ideas or suggestions for how this would work, please e-mail me at laura@1001reallifequestions.com.

If You're Somewhere Other Than Arizona

To those of you who happen to live in places other than the metro-Phoenix area, the challenge is the same:

Galvanize the people you know who share your beliefs. Form your own action groups to figure out how to take specific steps to make a difference in our country.

Know this: we voted our consciences. But just because George W. Bush and Company still occupy the residence at 1600 Pennsylvania Avneue does not mean we are disempowered or disenfanchised. We have a big job to do. Please join with me in doing it!

Laura

Message from John Kerry

If by some chance you missed it, here is a gracious message from the man who should have won this contest. It absolutely reinforces my vote for him!

Dear [Supporter],

Earlier today I spoke to President Bush, and offered him and Laura our congratulations on their victory. We had a good conversation, and we talked about the danger of division in our country and the need, the desperate need, for unity for finding the common ground, coming together. Today, I hope that we can begin the healing.

In America, it is vital that every vote counts, and that every vote be counted. But the outcome should be decided by voters, not a protracted legal process. I would not give up this fight if there was a chance that we would prevail. But it is now clear that even when all the provisional ballots are counted, which they will be, there won't be enough outstanding votes for our campaign to be able to win Ohio. And therefore, we cannot win this election.

It was a privilege and a gift to spend two years traveling this country, coming to know so many of you. I wish I could just wrap you in my arms and embrace each and every one of you individually all across this nation. I thank you from the bottom of my heart. Thank you.

To all of you, my volunteers and online supporters, all across this country who gave so much of themselves, thank you. Thanks to William Field, a six-year-old who collected $680, a quarter and a dollar at a time selling bracelets during the summer to help change America. Thanks to Michael Benson from Florida who I spied in a rope line holding a container of money. It turned out he raided his piggy bank and wanted to contribute. And thanks to Alana Wexler, who at 11 years old and started Kids for Kerry.

I thank all of you, who took time to travel, time off from work, and their own vacation time to work in states far and wide. You braved the hot days of summer and the cold days of the fall and the winter to knock on doors because you were determined to open the doors of opportunity to all Americans. You worked your hearts out, and I say, don't lose faith. What you did made a difference, and building on itself, we will go on to make a difference another day. I promise you, that time will come — the election will come when your work and your ballots will change the world, and it's worth fighting for.

I'm proud of what we stood for in this campaign, and of what we accomplished. When we began, no one thought it was possible to even make this a close race, but we stood for real change, change that would make a real difference in the life of our nation, the lives of our families, and we defined that choice to America. I'll never forget the wonderful people who came to our rallies, who stood in our rope lines, who put their hopes in our hands, who invested in each and every one of us. I saw in them the truth that America is not only great, but it is good.

So here — with a grateful heart, I leave this campaign with a prayer that has even greater meaning to me now that I've come to know our vast country so much better and that prayer is very simple: God bless America.

Thank you,

Visualizing fitneess — and life — success

2004-09-22T16:05:00.000-07:00

This is a picture of me with my
trainer, Scott White, taken in
April of 2004 at the
Integrated Health and Fitness Expo
in Phoenix, AZ.

I've been working out 3 times a week with Scott White for about a year. We were introduced by a mutual friend, Connie Kadansky.

Scott's been working as a trainer ever since high school, but he's had his own business, Personal Power Training, for the last 3.5 years.

Scott has a degree from Arizona State University in kineseology (the study of the anatomy, physiology, and mechanics of body movement, especially in humans). His sister kids him that he has a degree in gym. He has studied with experts like Paul Chek, and has trained professional athletes and Olympians.

The best thing about working with Scott, besides his incredible expertise, is that he keeps me motivated. If he weren't as enthusiastic and upbeat as he is, I think I might have given up my training regimen a long time ago. My natural preference is to stay up very late and get up at a proportionally late hour. However, I've been scheduling my appointments with Scott for 6 or 7 a.m. for about the last six months. My sister is still shocked that I found someone who gets me to exercise regularly and get up by 6.

One thing both Scott and Connie have encouraged me to do is to visualize my success, not only in working out, but in every aspect of my life. Today, Scott asked me if I've ever visualized how I look once I reach my goal. The funny thing is that although I recite my intentions every day, I don't think I've ever actually pictured myself looking the way I ultimately want to look.

So, now I have a new goal — to begin to visualize the end result. And that kicks up the motivation factor by about 1,000 percent!

Thanks, Scott, for your continued inspiration, knowledge, and motivation!

And thanks, Connie, for putting me together with Scott.

_______________________________________________

On cooperation

2004-09-21T19:47:00.000-07:00

I recently had the opportunity to spend time in Flagstaff and Sedona, Arizona, for a retreat entitled Powering Your Passions, presented by Mitzi Lynton of Dare2Create and Therese Inzerillo of The Namaste Center. For the Sedona portion, our group visited the Creative Life Center, a sprawling campus nestled amid the red rocks for which Sedona is world-famous. The center provides spiritual growth and creative workshops, hosts local and national speakers, and offers all manner of music, drama, and dance performances.

As my friend and I had arrived early, I had a chance to walk around the grounds a bit. Oak Creek Canyon is at the heart of Sedona, and Oak Creek crosses a portion of the center's grounds. I spent several minutes watching a tiny lizard hang out on a rock in the middle of the languidly running creek. You'd have thought he was sunning, the way you sometimes see the little guys do in the movies, but the sky was overcast.

I walked a little further along the stone path that carried me across a bridge, over the creek — and I happened to look down and see a single red fireant. He scurried along, the way ants do. Then I spied another ant, and soon another and another — now aware that I had stumbled across a colony of the insects. I watched them all scramble randomly around a roughly 12-inch perimeter of their hole.

Watching them closely, I noticed one little guy (Why did I just automatically assume it was a male?) carrying what appeared to be a seed of some sort. Although conventional wisdom holds that ants can carry from 10 to 20 times their weight, this guy's load, while certainly bigger than his body, seemed to be more awkward to manage than particularly heavy.

As I watched, he diligently trundled it forward. The interesting thing was that there were many other ants scurrying around, and none really seemed to notice our guy (I'll call him Joe, from here on out). Suddenly, though, out of the midst of the other ants who continued to rush past Joe, one (Chris) stopped to help him.

It was difficult, at first, to tell whether the second ant's motive was to help Joe out or to steal the seed. It became clear, though, that Chris was there to offer assistance. And I wondered, as I watched, why Chris had stopped when all the others just continued on their hasty way. Did Chris (note my use of a gender-neutral name) stop to help because Chris was Joe's mate? Was it simply his (OK, I decided Chris was a male, too) job to help Joe? Or was he just a nice guy?

For a few minutes, Joe and Chris shared the burden of the seed, carrying it a little closer to the busy anthole. Suddenly, however, Joe got separated from Chris. Chris kept walking, now supporting the whole load himself, but Joe wasn't able to find him again. I think the distance separating the two ants might have been this much: _______________. But if you think about it, that's like the length of a city block to an ant.

Joe scurried in circles repeatedly, trying to locate his helpmate, but as far as I know, did not ever reconnect with Chris.

Chris, meanwhile continuing to make his way toward the anthill, encountered another helper ant, Jenna. Interestingly, it was noticeably easier for Jenna to join Chris in hoisting the seed than it had been for Chris to unite his efforts with Joe.

Together, Jenna and Chris made it to the hole and carried the seed down into their below-ground home.

As I walked away from the ant scene, I thought of the 1998 movie, A Bug's Life, and it occurred to me that it would have been much more interesting to simply follow real ants around and attach human voices to their actions.

Before our group's time at the center had ended, it had poured rain, as though a geyser had burst above us. When our group walked back across the bridge over the creek, the water that had been slowly moving eariler was now madly rushing. I wondered where the lizard had gone — and hoped not too many of Joe's fireant friends and relations had perished in the downpour.

______________________________________________